User talk:Dallasnguyen/sandbox

Peer Review
This is awesome, really thorough breakdown of the article! Great job keeping the tone of the article academic and unbiased.

Suggestions/comments: 1. "white actors through blackface, brownface, and yellow face in a derogatory, intellectually lessen manner" - word choice: intellectually demeaning manner? 2. "The practices of Minstrel shows gained popularity when immigrants of Irish and Jewish descent promoted ethnically white behavior to increase their status to those of Anglo-Saxon origin while simultaneously negating the perception of Black, Native American, and Asian people." - who/what is Minstrel? also, this sentence is worded in a way that's a bit unclear/roundabout 3. "Through self-imposed restrictive laws like “the Motion Picture Production Code, Hays code” no interracial marriage or relationship like statutes could be portrayed on camera" - missing a comma after "...Hays code," 4. In the #OscarsSoWhite section, make sure capitalizations of words like "white" and "female" and "male" are standardized and consistent throughout the whole article

Also, maybe check stylistically how to display decades? Not sure if it's 1830's or 1830s... Arieleliu (talk) 22:58, 10 March 2019 (UTC)

Henry's Review
First of all, great job with the first draft! I like your idea on tackling the "multiple issues" appear on the top of the original article. That is also the first thing I've noticed when I was looking through it. This article has many issues that need to be fixed, and your group provided different solutions on improving individual issue, which is great! I also really like how you would like to include other movements like #OscarsSoWhite and #MeToo in your article since I believe it's very relevant. I also like your idea on adding a "history" section.

In terms of my comments on your proposed first draft of the article, please see below:
 *  is not a academic source
 * Do you think if you would like to include a new section on the effort or progress being made to push for positive changes in Hollywood?
 * For the sections on #OscarsSoWhite and #MeToo, I think your priority is to describe those movements as part of ongoing effort to transform Hollywood.

H.G. 04:44, 12 March 2019 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Henry Guan (talk • contribs)

Hannah's peer review of this article
Please note that I have bolded my changes. I have made grammatical and rewording edits as well as included notes about rewording. I really love your section about the history of racial inequality in Hollywood-there is so much information there. I would go through it once more and see if there are ways other than the times I suggested to merge sentences together so it is more direct. I really liked the information given about the #OscarsSoWhite movement and how there has been a change in membership-great addition! I think your article additions are all strong but would recommend trying to use more direct language and combining sentences as some information is repetitive. Lastly, your edits to the current article look great.

Main Article: Me Too Movement In October 2017, the New York Times published an article about Harvey Weinstein, that discusses the sexual harassment accounts from many of the women actresses he worked with.[1] Following the outbreak of this story, Alyssa Milano started the now viral twitter hashtag MeToo to encourage other sexual harassment victims to speak up.[2] Several figures  in film, TV, and media production  beyond Weinstein soon became involved in a number of latent sexual harassment accusations, including news anchor Matt Lauer, comedian Louis CK, and Disney producer John Lasseter.[3]
 * 1) MeToo (Under Gender Inequality)

Investigations into Weinstein’s and other high level executives’ harassment cases revealed that women actresses have been subjected to perform sexual favors or to lewd, gender-based comments. Tight control over networks of power and uses of silence agreements discouraged women to speak up about their treatment. *Note: I would rephrase this sentence of "tight control...about their treatment" as this sounds a bit like a statement of opinion unless you have a reliable source that states this is the reason women were discouraged Since October 2018, the Me Too hashtag has been retweeted 19 million times and has accompanied notable company boycotts and accused figures to resign or step out of the public eye.[4]

History of Racial inequality in Hollywood. (Under Racial Inequality after first subsection of that section)

The first films to come out of Hollywood that included non-white characters were played by white actors through blackface, brownface, and yellow face in a derogatory, intellectually lessen manner. Casting white actors to represent other ethnic characters is a practice that emerged during minstrel shows, primarily in America from the 1830’s-1840’s.[5] *Note: Please include year- and then you can combine these two sentences.

Main article: 88th Academy Awards The #OscarsSoWhite movement began as a push to make the Academy Awards more inclusive and racially diverse but has since sparked a critical reexamination for representation across the media industry, which includes TV, film, broadway, music, and news. After its creation in 2015 by activist April Reign following the announcement of the 88th Oscar nominations in which only one nominee out of the five directors and twenty actors nominated was not White[8], the Academy received major backlash from online communities and Hollywood celebrities of color.[9] '''*Note: I would really encourage you to start with the date of when the #OscarsSoWhite movement began rather than including that in the second sentence. Consider combining the first two sentences.'''
 * 1) OscarsSoWhite

Hannah 3/12/19 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Hannahdobrott (talk • contribs) 18:51, 12 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer-review by Siddharth Kumaran
Summarized Comments on Article: Siddkumaran (talk) 03:30, 13 March 2019 (UTC)
 * Great job on adding new sections
 * All the sections are well written and to the point
 * You guys maintain un-biased neutrality in all section, so good job!
 * Every section has the right amount of information
 * All your edits to the pre-existing changes are substantial and meaningful
 * You guys have a good variety of sources
 * Overall, I feel like you guys put in a lot of quality time into this assignment
 * I personally didn't see any grammar mistakes
 * Capitalize 'inequality' in the section title "History of Racial inequality in Hollywood"

Peer Review- Samir
Me Too Section- I really liked this section, and thought it was solid. I would personally include some more prominent figures, for example Kevin Spacey, just to provide more information. Grammatically seems correct. I did not notice any major errors, or bad word choice. History of Racial Inequality- This section was very good in terms of providing structured information. I would suggest changing "made it onto the big screens of Hollywood" to something more informative. For example, first time someone starred in an acclaimed movie, or anything more factual. Grammatically seems correct. I did not notice any major errors, or bad word choice.

Oscars So White- Solid, maybe talk about Kevin Hart role in hosting.

Overall Comments-


 * Very well thought out.
 * Good detail for each section.
 * Couple of your sources are not really unbiased/academic
 * Proposed Changes are very insightful

Isabel's Peer Review of this Article
Hi,

Overall, I really liked the amount of information you added to the new sections. They summarize the topics well by giving the reader a good idea of the topics without giving the reader an overload of new information. #MeToo and #OscarsSoWhite are good additions to this article because they are things that are of major importance but happened more recently. It's great how you are keeping this article up to date!

The main edits I would make are related to the #OscarsSoWhite section. I detailed them below.

Main article: 88th Academy Awards The #OscarsSoWhite movement began as a push to make the Academy Awards more inclusive and racially diverse but has since sparked a critical reexamination for representation across the media industry, which includes TV, film, broadway, music, and news. After its creation in 2015 by activist April Reign following the announcement of the 88th Oscar nominations in which only one nominee out of the five directors and twenty actors nominated was not White[8], the Academy received major backlash from online communities and Hollywood celebrities of color.[9] The hashtag has encouraged reconstruction in Academy membership, casting decisions, and behind-the-scenes staff diversity. In a research article, Caty Chattoo noted that before responding to the pushback against racial inequality, Academy membership was comprised of 92 percent White and 75 percent Male in 2016[10]. In 2017, this changed to include 41 percent people of color and 46 percent Female[10].
 * 1) OscarsSoWhite

--> Female, Male, and White do not have to be capitalized. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ixz (talk • contribs) 06:49, 13 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review: Birks Sachdev
Great job Dallas! You've added a great deal of useful information into the article. I love your additions to the #MeToo and #OscarsSoWhite articles. Nonetheless, I'm going to provide some critiques to help you to improve your work:

1) I'm not sure what you mean by "intellectually lessen manner" under the section "History of Racial Inequality in Hollywood". Perhaps you could change this to "yellow face in a derogatory manner, in an effort to portray them as intellectually inferior". This would work better.

2) Instead of presenting the changes in bullet points, try rewriting entire paragraphs from the article and improving the overall flow.

3)I like the way you suggested very targeted and specific improvements for the section on "Gender Inequality" but would it be possible to add new information altogether about gender inequality from a historical context, to show how it has changed over time? Remember to retain a neutral tone!

4) You could potentially add new subsections on Inequality in Hollywood with other ethnic groups, similar to how you wrote one on "Asian Inequality". This would provide valuable information to readers and you could use recent information which would be very relevant to the topic at hand.

Overall though, I think you did a fantastic job, and I wish you the best of luck with the final draft! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Birkssachdev (talk • contribs) 08:09, 14 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review
Your draft is very well written, and I can't wait to see the final edits. You did very well in organizing potential edits and in keeping a neutral tone. Here are some potential edits:

Under History of Racial inequality in Hollywood:

I had some confusion in understanding what Minstrel shows were. It would be helpful to have a brief explanation of it. "By the 1940’s and 1950’s, many ethnically white actors and actresses got into the spotlight by swapping out their culturally ethnic names for more widely accepted “white” names. Oppositely this left non-white actors out of work and cast aside.[6]"-- When you say ethnically white actors and actresses, I'm assuming you are referring to white people but I'm not sure what you mean by culturally ethnic names for more widely accepted "white" names.

You mentioned interracial marriage or relationship status as limiting factors to the people of color getting lead roles, but how did white actors/actresses play the role of initially the person of color with such appearance as blackface when it shouldn't have been portrayed in film in the first place? Clarifying this or using a different example might be better.

Cxndyoh (talk) 08:40, 14 March 2019 (UTC)