User talk:Dancingdancingcrazy/sandbox

Well written, however there are many charts for not particularly notable years of government elections. If there is a way you can get most or all current years and condense it to one or 2 charts, that would be better.AAAHHHHH (talk) 14:30, 16 April 2019 (UTC)

Your sandbox is very well reseached and worded. The one place that I believe you could fix would be telling events in chronological order as opposed to the reverse chronological order that you use in your sandbox. This would make it easier to read and navigate, and make more logical sense when displayed. I think it is also important to mention that you AAAHHHHH mention some of the same information when it comes to Frank Moran and his contributions to Camden's redevelopment so we might have to coordinate the information so it isn't repeatedly mentioned.165.230.225.113 (talk) 19:11, 16 April 2019 (UTC)

The graphs are very well made and clear. If information about the candidates and running mates that don’t have their own wiki pages are available, you could add that in the Gubernatorial section. In section about Frank Moran, there are a few very long sentences that could be shortened for easier reading, such as the second sentence in the first paragraph and the third paragraph. A lot of commas are used to extend these sentences.SpaceFerret (talk) 02:16, 17 April 2019 (UTC)

You have a lot of good material here, and this feels well-researched and generally thorough. The opening section feels a little disorganized, however: why start with 2018 and then jump back into 2011? Consider your word choice as well: "apart" is different from "a part". Some sentence-level issues surrounding apostrophes are present as well, so look out for that. Revise for some sentence-style issues as well: "majorly voted" feels a little awkward. Aside from these few places, the article has the detached style of Wikipedia, and you did well keeping consistent with the verb tenses. With the content, much of the presidential material doesn't feel like it's about Camden at all. I think that material could probably be refocused to better showcase Camden's role. The gubernatorial section seems like it would be an excellent candidate for expansion: that section feels a little thin, especially as regards the 2017 election. Colbuendia71 (talk) 15:25, 23 April 2019 (UTC)

Your work looks really good. Think your use of subsections is good and will make the information look really good once it is on the main page. I still think the reverse chronological order is weird, but I get it. The only thing I would recommend changing is the orientation of the tables, the first 2 are close together, but there is a line-break before the third one, you should keep it one or the other (or try setting them up next to each other there looks like there might be enough room to put 2 next to eachother). Dev JLap (talk) 21:16, 30 April 2019 (UTC)

You did a thorough job on internal links. I’m positive that every notable thing that could be linked has been.

I’m not sure how the tables work, but is there any way to create some space between the first one (“Presidential Election Results in Camden, NJ”) and the second paragraph under “Presidential”? The first “The” in the sentence “The city overwhelmingly voted for Obama…” doesn’t line up with where the other paragraphs end when they get closer to that table.

There is another minor spacing problem regarding the last table shown. It’s spaced differently than the other two, which makes it stand out.SpaceFerret (talk) 01:24, 1 May 2019 (UTC)

Excellently written and formatted cleanly. Almost ready to put up on the page, however I believe that Wikipedia pages typically have things order from older to new, rather than newer to older as you do for most of you sections, minus the last one. I'd recommend making that consistent with the rest. AAAHHHHH (talk) 04:30, 1 May 2019 (UTC)

I agree with your other reviewers that this material is just about ready to put up on the main page. I did notice some typos, such as words that should be capitalized missing their capitalization. I also agree that you did an excellent job finding places to link out on the page to other articles, something I wish I saw more of in these sandboxes. Let me know if you need to talk further about getting this material into the main space. Colbuendia71 (talk) 14:52, 2 May 2019 (UTC)