User talk:Daniel.Boland/sandbox

Brita's Comments

1) are all the parts there? Missing Intro, and Scholarly Work (Main Focus of Research), and Further Readings sections. All of the information is there, it just needs to be expanded upon.

2) is the opening "hook" strong?   The intro needs to be more general. Only include where she lives, where she works, her main piece of research, and her other fields of study. Things like past jobs or where she got her degrees should be in the History/Background section. The ideas are there, they just need expanding.

3) how's the style? (spelling, grammar, clear sentences, correct verb tense  Tenses are a little off. Make sure sentences referring to past tense use only past tense verbs. There is an apostrophe mistake and many comma mistakes. Watch for sentence flow and make sure they sound right when read aloud.

4) overall impression of the article Overall, the article is off to a decent start! Most of the ideas that are provided just need to be expanded upon. Condense down some of the lists that are provided, they are scary to see in the middle of the article. Once all of the sections are there, I think this article will turn out great!

Brielle's Comments

Are all the parts there? Yes, to an extent. Make sure you add that small intro about your individual. They can get a bit challenging because you have to make it short and sweet. But start by thinking about a few important things about her and then tie them together into two or three sentences. Also, add some history about her. Most of the background is just about her schools and education. Try to add a few more interesting things besides school.

Is the opening hook strong? Not really. it just talks about where she grew up at and then goes to all of her schools of where she studied. Maybe make it say something like... Barbara B went to X amount of schools in order to (Insert what she is most known for) Then proceed by saying... she was originally born in Illinois... and so forth!

How's the style? There are a few spelling and grammar errors throughout. I noticed in one area you put 'works' instead of 'worked'- in the background section. So just little small things like that. It just needs to be re-read and fixed up. Easy fix!

Overall Impression of the article Overall, it is at a great start! You have a lot of information and she has definitely written a lot of books. Once you look through these books and what they are written about and what she is known for you are going to have A LOT of content. Probably too much! haha — Preceding unsigned comment added by BrielleMary (talk • contribs) 20:32, 2 April 2017 (UTC)

Good comments to work from. Specifics on mistakes would have been good. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aburnett412 (talk • contribs) 23:56, 25 April 2017 (UTC)