User talk:Dantonglee/sandbox

Summary as of 16:49, 4/9/2015
Tong Lee has created a new page regarding the health benefits of something called "green space" with sections regarding various scales of interaction, individual and communal, and disambiguation of the terms "green" vs "natural". In it's present state it would appear to be unfinished, so this review will be revised later.

Major Points

 * "Green Space" not defined. It is assumed to be an area rife with photosynthetic foliage, but this is never overtly stated.
 * Nothing in the introduction is cited, though various claims are made.
 * the section "introduction" could be made not a section, so that the text would appear at the top of the page, before the contents pane.
 * Several sections are not even populated, e.g. "Communal Scale". It isn't necessary to include everything, just be sure to elaborate well on what you decide to include
 * References section is malformed.
 * Few citations outside of the "Individual Scale" section.
 * Under the section "Green vs. Nature", the author writes " That being said, a question needs to be addressed: are all these health benefits claimed to be due to the natural environment correct? Or are these benefits due to a "greener" environment, where there are an abundance of vegetation like flowers and trees but aren't necessarily "natural"?" This style of writing is inappropriate for an encyclopedia. The page should inform people, not prompt pondering.

Minor Points

 * Not necessary to state "A research study showed...". Unless the point is debated, treat the results of the study as fact.
 * The term "faking it" implies malfeasance, a good alternative would be "Psychosomatic Properties" given the actual research.
 * The subsections under "Individual Scale" are awkwardly titled. Remove references to benefits or detriments in the subsection title, and just focus on the subject, e.g. "Improve Focus" -> "Focus" or "Strengthen Immunity" -> "Immune System"
 * Under the subsection "Strengthen Immunity", the word "increse[sic]" is spelled "increase".

Peer Review - Nate Paradis
Summary

The author created an entirely new wikipedia page on "The Health Benefits of Green Space"

Major Points

After looking at how other wikipedia articles handle "health benefits of x," I think that it might make more sense to re-title this "Green Space" with a section on Health benefits, or move its contents to another related article in a section called "health benefits." I think that sort of turning the "green vs nature" section into the focus of the article might be a possible solution.

As far as the contents of the article are concerned, the introduction is rather essay-like. I feel that the "individual scale" subsections should be reworked, because the information under each subheading just seems to be a summary of one article. There should be general information before these subsections to allow the reader to understand how they connect back to the topic. The "communal scale" section is also lacking information; unless there is relevant information for this section, it might make sense to just remove it for now.

Going back to the individual scale section, I feel that "faking it" is a bit out of place (based on the limited information provided). This doesn't really seem to be an effect of green spaces an an individual, but more of a way that scientists have tested the effects of green spaces on individuals.

Overall, while this is a good start for this article, I think it needs to be completely restructured in order to not only fit the encyclopedic style, but also to make the article easier to understand.

Minor Points

The references section is a little confusing. Are the sources that are not directly cited going to be used in this article?

Nate.paradis (talk) 17:09, 6 April 2015 (UTC)

Reflection
This particular edit was originally planned to be a whole new article. However, in the middle of the process it was discovered that there is already an article that covers the topic at hand. I realized it still needed some more information to be added to help improve inform readers, so I decided to edit the public health section. Originally, finding the article involved going to the wikipedia help page where they stated any topics that needed new pages on. Based on that, I concluded there was no article on health benefits from green space, and decided to create one. To make sure this topic wasn't already a part of some general article, I searched combinations of terms on the Wiki search engine to search for a possible repetitive page. Only form of interaction with the community involved creating a talk page on the article I've edited, to let the community know of my edit, and ask for their help in improving the article as well.