User talk:Dcole12/sandbox

Peer Feedback
Hey Dcole12,

I've read through and tried to identify your edits and changes but I will admit was a little hard due to the sandbox layout, so I didn't actually make any edits. I would suggest copying the coding from the original article and pasting that to your sandbox, that way you can make it look like the actual article and it makes it a lot easier to work with. If you want to do this, I can show you during class what I'm talking about.

What I could identify though I thought was well done. I liked that you have expanded the 'Global organizations' section, obviously a great idea when thinking about the global approach. You strengthened up the lead section which needed to be done. You have definitely made the article better with your edits.

I think that the section 'Budget cuts in schools' needs a little bit of work. Because it is only talking about the U.S. it may be smart to move it under 'Organizations in America' especially since the last sentence speaks about non-profit organizations which are then listed under that heading. The first quote, second sentence under that heading is a little confusing as well. The context it wants to state is that budget cuts causes all these students to miss out on physical education but doesn't state it outright. I tried to follow the link to read the full context but the link had moved.

One source that I found through the library database is this article: http://cowles-proxy.drake.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=27040721&scope=site I'm not sure if you want or can work it in your article somehow but I noticed that it explained a national program as well as an international program of youth sport programs.

One more thing, add a picture! I'm sure that is on your to-do list and there has to be many to choose from on the Wikimedia Commons. Other than that, I'm excited to see your finished product! If you have any questions about my comments or need any assistance just let me know!Tapbh (talk) 01:30, 2 November 2013 (UTC)

Peer feedback from Qwerty (moved from sandbox)
The topic of the article is clear and there are some good sources of information included to support claims. Sentence structure can be improved and information can be better linked together. I think there is a lot of good information that can be combined together in a better format so it is easier for the reader to understand. For example, the beginning of the final paragraph where you say "Sport for Social Development is a worldwide initiative" can be put somewhere at the start of the article. Perhaps in the lead section or the following paragraph. A heading is also needed.

The structure of the article can be improved by grouping information better. For example, the lead paragraph contains a statistic about"The Sport for Development and Peace movement". This statistic can be used in another paragraph when discussing movements related to sports development. The lead paragraph is supposed to give the reader the main idea of the article and I feel you have accomplished this already so that extra piece of information can be moved. The information about organizations and movements towards sport for social development can compliment each other well.

The content in the article provides a lot of useful information and covers a wide range of topics that relate to the main focus of your article. There are several statistics (make sure all of them are cited). The article takes on a sociological approach and will definitely improve the readers knowledge on the topic. The article also takes on a very good global approach by including a variety of countries including South Africa, Zambia, and Zimbabwe. This enlightens the reader on a global scale.

The article takes a very unique branch off of sport, especially by having the social aspect included. It seems as though all of your citations are noted, but are not put in the correct format as they are not linked. You have conducted a wide range of research and the information provided can be verified with your sources. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Prof.Vandegrift (talk • contribs) 22:30, 5 November 2013 (UTC)

Feedback
I left some feedback on your current draft on your talk page. Gobōnobō + c 18:38, 19 November 2013 (UTC)