User talk:Dcruz34/sandbox

Ben Peer Review
Forgot which talk page to put this on, so here it is just in case

To start, I am not exactly sure what page you plan to contribute to, so maybe this review will be slightly off-base.

Your text, overall, reads more like an essay piece recapping the general methods of capitalism that Equiano was involved in, which slightly resembles an argumentative piece, rather than encyclopedic content that fully captures the role of capitalism in his life. You need to be careful to use more neutral language, avoiding phrases such as “just like any other slaves a rough life” and “it was his fortune that Robert King purchased him as a slave.” You also need to be more specific in your examples, such as “the laws that governed the slaves during the 1700s” - which laws? “Despite the facts of his race” - what obstacles did his race cause him to face? Your text lacks references to scholarly sources, and it will be crucial for you to expand on these general statements by researching them in greater detail. Also, be mindful of your spelling, grammar, and sentence structure, as several of your sentences contain numerous errors that impede reading. You also need to be mindful of your tense, as everything relating to Equiano should be in the past tense.

Here’s the bottom line. If this text is meant to go in Equiano’s page, I am not sure it will remain there as Wikipedia’s staff may not think that this focus on the role of overall capitalism in his life is a notable or necessary addition.. If this is intended for a page focusing on capitalism, then you should try to broaden your scope to cover the accounts of other slaves besides Equiano - chances are, you will be able to make a more significant contribution with the wider variety of sources, and be less prone to including anything that might be slanted or biased, since good Wikipedia articles and scholarly contributions as a whole must depend on multiple sources from different accounts. Amateragi (talk) 15:16, 20 November 2018 (UTC)