User talk:Dcvallad/Colorism in the United States

Theresa Asuquo's Peer Review
Introduction
 * I would shorten the title to something like "Colorism in the United States" since Wikipedia article titles are supposed to get to the point and not be too wordy. The rest of the article will show the anti-blackness that you want to focus on, so I think it's unnecessary to also include in the title.
 * You don't need a header for the introduction section. That should just go under the article header.
 * The introduction needs citations throughout it. Additionally, it could probably be shorten a bit and simplified as Wikipedia would want it to be. Even though it's a very well written introduction, Wikipedia might see it as too wordy.
 * "Racial, ethnic, and socio-cultural identity is a complex topic that affects every U.S. resident. There are many peoples who identify with multiple ethnic backgrounds and do so for various reasons. The U.S. Census Bureau recognizes “Latino/Hispanic” as an ethnicity, separate from “Race”. For the sake of our article, we will focusing on how colorism exists in the non-Latino/Hispanic, census-recognized, as well as the Latino/Hispanic community. We will also define a “person of color” as a person whose race is non-white, regardless of ethnic or national background." I am not sure if this section is necessary. It seems more you are making an argument. I think you can include this more so in each individual section. Such as when you talk about black colorism, you can quickly say, you are talking about non-Latino/Hispanic black.
 * You should incorporate the references in WIkipedia style so that you have a references section at the bottom vs. MLA/APA referencing in the article.

History
 * dominian should be dominion
 * The last sentence of this section should still require a citation as Wikipedia requires everything to be cited from reputable sources. Even though what you're saying is true, it still needs to be cited by some reputable source.
 * Again, make sure your citations are using Wikipedia layouts not MLA/APA.

Chicano/Latinx Colorism
 * “Rather than defeating white supremacy, the immigration of Latin American people to the US demonstrates a collision between systems of anti-blackness supremacy.” in other words, Latin American and Mexican countries have anti-black sentiment embedded into the culture as well. For the purpose of this page, we will group peoples of Latin American and Chicano descent into one label - Hispanic." Since you end up rewording the quote in your own words anyways, you do not need to include the quote especially since Wikipedia wants everything reworded and quotes only used as absolutely necessary. Additionally, be careful with "for the purpose of this page" because it tends to be making an argument whereas Wikipedia would want it to be a neutral article. Instead you can say, "Hispanics, peoples of Latin American and Chicano descent, do...." This way you are defining what your definition is without making it like a persuasive article.
 * Since the article focuses on Colorism in the US, this section seems unnecessary - "Mexico claims “racial democracy” which is the false belief that mexico has escaped racism and racial discrimination. Afro Latino/as viewed as foreigners/ not Hispanic enough. Contradicts the idea of mestizaje which Mexico is proud of. In the 1960’s, Mexican Americans considered themselves part of the white group. They claimed that Mexicans were caucasians and thus biologically white. (In an effort to appease to white people and move upward in the social/racial hierarchy. Chicanos began identifying as nonwhite only after they saw police brutality and mistreatment of Mexicans...Mexican workers are also socialized to be antiblack (similar to how poor white people still managed to be racist even though they had more in common with black people than with rich white people.)" Either expand the article to include North America for example, or do not include this.
 * The last paragraph of this section has great sentences but citations need to be done in Wikipedia style, once again.

Asian Colorism
 * I think these sentences are unnecessary or it needs to be reworded to be clear about what the commentary on Asian colorism is - "Dr. Trina Jones compares the similar experiences of an Asian-American friend and a relative. Their friend’s mother, when expressing regret for “allowing” their daughter to become “too dark”, “seemed also to be concerned about the relationship between skin color and class, while my relative’s additional focus [towards their own daughters] appeared to be skin color and race [discrimination].” Colorism exists in both communities, but do so for separate reasons."

Black Colorism
 * This section needs to be developed out more, but it has good points relating to the history of colorism within the community.

White Colorism
 * "Many non-black immigrants who have children that fit within the current parameters of whiteness and will thus benefit from the accessibility of being white." Should either say "many non-black immigrants have children..." or should say "within the current parameters of whiteness, will thus benefit"
 * "The prevalence of white, Americanized beauty standards in Miss America beauty contests where “over one-third of contestants have been blonde." Needs to be reworded because it's not a complete sentence right now.
 * Good section just needs the Wikipedia style of citations.

Multicultural Colorism "The multiculturalism present in the United States is non-existent because most African-Americans do not know their African culture"'' I found these sentences kind of confusing in relation to multiculuralism and colorism.
 * ''"Yet, this African-Americans in the United States have been led to believe that colorism is a part of their culture"
 * I think this section does not really relate to the rest of this section or it needs to be reworded to be better focused and aligned with the section. It is just kind of confusing right now.

Colorism Now
 * I think the section that is supposed to serve as an introduction can just be it's on subsection labeled Education or Discipline within the US Educational System

Skin Bleaching in Jamaica
 * Since the article is Colorism in the US I would also try to find examples or articles relating to skin bleaching in the US

Tea2015 (talk) 17:31, 29 May 2018 (UTC)

Suwayda Ali's Peer Review
Before I give my critique I first want to say that you all did an amazing job of breaking down the topic of colorism, its relation to anti-Blackness, and finally how it’s present in both people of color communities as well as the white community. I believe that yalls introduction touches all the important points but I personally believe that it could be worded a little differently. The text has a lot of ethnic studies/ anthropology jargon and therefore for folks who aren’t necessarily familiar with the language will be extremely confused. I myself had to read some sentences a couple times in order to understand the information that was being presented. Also at the end of the introduction, you all had this for the end:

''For the sake of our article, we will focusing on how colorism exists in the non-Latino/Hispanic, census-recognized, as well as the Latino/Hispanic community. We will also define a “person of color” as a person whose race is non-white, regardless of ethnic or national background.''

Wikipedia is used to present information and therefore shouldn’t have any first person pronouns. Throughout the article, there are several spelling and grammatical errors so I’d advise proofreading to make sure everything is spelled correctly and makes sense. I’d also advise that as opposed to labeling the sections, ‘Asian Colorism’, yall can instead title the section ‘Colorism in the Asian Community’ in order to be more clear and concise. Labeling the sections as Asian Colorism and Black Colorism makes it seem like that particular community has their own type of colorism when in fact it’s the same colorism. In the Asian Colorism section you all included this sentence:

''Dr. Trina Jones compares the similar experiences of an Asian-American friend and a relative. Their friend’s mother, when expressing regret for “allowing” their daughter to become “too dark”, “seemed also to be concerned about the relationship between skin color and class, while my relative’s additional focus [towards their own daughters] appeared to be skin color and race [discrimination].” ''

I personally think these sentences are unnecessary and therefore should be either reworded to relate to this particular section or just removed completely. Yall talked about colorism in the Black community in the Asian colorism section and am a little confused on why. The Black Colorism section also doesn’t have any information explaining the citations. I’m a little confused on the purpose of the multiculturalism section and how it relates to Colorism. The Colorism Now section also is a little confusing. Upon reading the title I assumed that you all would be talking about how contemporary issues realting to colorism. I’d advise to add a new section, if yall can, about how colorism present in Hollywood and instead title this the effects of colorism in the U.S Education System. I also wanted to point out that skin bleaching is actually a world-wide technique that is used by multiple communities and isn’t restricted to just Jamaica. Also the title of yalls project is Colorism in the US and therefore would make sense if yall gave examples of skin-bleaching within the US. Lastly throughout the article, you all either citated incorrectly or just didn’t site at all; Please make sure to cite according to what Wikipedia wants. Overall, great job for yalls first rough draft!

Brenda Gutierrez Review
Overall, this article is well organized and does a great job of introducing colorism. I would be mindful of the wording, as there are sentences that may not be grammatically appropriate for a wiki page "For the sake of our article, we will focusing on how colorism exists in the non-Latino/Hispanic, census-recognized, as well as the Latino/Hispanic community." Furthermore, at times the wording can be a bit confusing. Also, I believe wiki has guidelines for formatting, as some of the formatting used seems to be MLA (see quotes). If you are rewording quotes, you could leave the actual quotes out, as they may no longer be necessary.

Under Chicano/Latinx colorism, y'all did a good job of explaining why you would be grouping everyone as hispanic, however throughout the article the term chicano or Mexican American is used, which at times sounds different than Hispanic. Perhaps you could be consistent and use the term Hispanic. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Bren.gut (talk • contribs) 05:51, 30 May 2018 (UTC)

Moved page
I've moved this to the userspace since it still needs quite a bit of work. My main concern is that this reads too much like an academic paper in that it looks like it contains original research (claims, conclusions created by yourselves based on personal knowledge or sourcing that doesn't explicitly state these claims) and it comes across like it's trying to persuade the reader to see things from a specific point of view. As far as academic papers go it's good, but Wikipedia's style and format guidelines are very different. For example, when defining who is considered to be part of a specific group we can only go by what the sourcing and official data states - we can't set our own limits for which groups are defined under a specific ethnicity or term because that's seen as original research. It also runs the risk of being seen as cherrypicking - that is, that we're choosing sourcing and information that specifically backs up the point we're trying to make, sometimes with the exclusion of other sourcing that could contradict it. Limiting it to groups in the age of Trump is also problematic since that can also prompt editors to see this as original research.

Another issue that stood out as far as paper/essay content goes is that this was written in a somewhat casual tone at points and used point of view phrases like "interesting" and "nonetheless", as well as "if... then..." type statements. There also was at least one use of a large quote without attribution. I'd recommend avoiding the use of quotes in favor of writing content in your own words.

There's also a concern of it being redundant to the main article on colorism, which has a fairly large focus on the United States. For example, some of the sections in this draft cover colorism in countries other than the United States. While colorism doesn't exist in a vacuum, the focus seems to be pretty solidly on colorism and history in those countries.

This is a very interesting topic and I don't want any of this to come across too harshly - it's just that topics like this have to be written very carefully since they lend themselves easily to writing from a specific viewpoint, especially with everything that is going on in society. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:49, 14 June 2018 (UTC)