User talk:Derek Kohnle/sandbox

MECH 2960 Instructor Feedback
These additions in your sandbox are looking great. My comments are bulleted below:


 * For the introduction, do you plan to keep the first sentence of the current introduction, which says "Ceramic armor is armor used by armored vehicles and in personal armor for its attenuative properties."? I think it's a good first sentence, and then your two introduction sentences could go right after it.  Just wanted to clarify?
 * For the history section: For the sentence "These assaults made the crews vulnerable so to protect them, in 1965, ceramic body armor was given to the crews as well as ‘hard-faced composite’ armor kits placed within the pilot seats to offer better protection [3].", you may wish to simplify and tighten the language, it is a long sentence. The first clause "These assaults made the crews vulnerable" is likely not necessary, unless you're trying to say "the crews were vulnerable to these assaults".  If you were trying to say that and still think it's necessary, you may wish to attach the clause to the previous sentence.
 * It is not clear to me whether the US military was the first to use ceramic armor? Were there any other uses globally prior to that point? If not, it might be useful to clearly state that the first uses of ceramic armor started with the US military in the Vietnam war.
 * Is there any knowledge about where the development of these ceramic armor pieces came from? Was it done at an army lab? A university? I assume it was under development long before it was deployed
 * For the sentence on reduced fatalities, please specify that this is for the case of the helicopters (or whatever case it is referring to).
 * For the Design section, depending on your judgment, perhaps the design section should be moved after the "mechanism" section in the current article? Since the mechanism section explains how the armor works, that might inform the reader being able to understand the design?
 * For the design section, do you want to list just the designs (which I think you're doing now), or also some of the thinking behind the design and why they are the way they are?
 * You spend half of the design section talking about "one of the first patents", but it's unclear why you singled this one out, and whether it's relevant to the modern day? Does any armor used today use that design?  Why do you discuss this design?  Why not discuss a different patent?  Ultimately you want to make it relevant to the reader!

UML MECH2960 (talk) 14:36, 8 December 2018 (UTC)


 * I do plan on using the first sentence of the article's existing introduction. I am simply adding my introduction to it. I did take your suggestions and have made a few changes. Thank you. Derek Kohnle (talk) 01:16, 11 December 2018 (UTC)

Noah's Review
I think what you have written will be a great addition to the original page. You go more in depth and farther back in time with the history section than the current article does, as well as adding in information for the design section. The introduction you plan on adding greatly expands on the one sentence that is currently there. Overall, I think your edits are well written and will be a good addition to the article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by N Y T 22 (talk • contribs) 15:46, 12 December 2018 (UTC)

MECH 2960 Instructor Review #2
I think you're ready to go live! Here are just a few minor last things you may wish to address prior to doing so:
 * For your intro section, you say "Most commonly alumina, boron carbide, silicon carbide, and titanium diboride ceramics are used in armor but other ceramics are used." I think it's known others may be used, but you have said "Most commonly", so maybe don't need that aside. You could just say "The most commonly used ceramics in armor are ..." and list the four you have.
 * in the design section, you say "advance ceramic". Do you mean "advanced ceramic"?  Also, you then link to the generic ceramic article ... if you do this, I recommend that the hyperlink does not include the word "advanced", since ceramics in general can be quite low-tech.  Also, instead of "advanced ceramics", industry usually calls them "technical ceramics", which are listed under this section on wikipedia's ceramics page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ceramic#Types_of_ceramic_product ... I recommend that you also edit this page to include a bullet for ceramic armor, and which links back to your edited page.  That way you drive more people to read about what you researched!!!
 * Your history section, it appears to say Vietnam war, then WWI, then sentence on WWI, and then back to Vietnam war. I recommend you move the first demonstration in 1918 to the front and the sentence about Major Neville. Then mention Vietnam war and how it was added to helicopters. That will improve the flow of the section.

UML MECH2960 (talk) 20:15, 13 December 2018 (UTC)