User talk:Dfaustin23/sandbox

Hi Danny, Your article is balanced, has a clear structure and your sources seem to be appropriate (although I think you have to check the ISBN number of your first one). My main thoughts regarding development would be regarding clarity of sentences. The beginning of the article is great, really clear and concise. However, at points, your point can get lost a little. My suggestion would be to perhaps shorten some sentences and aim to be as concise with your information as you can be. You also have a slight tendency to repeat some information such as the fact that he was serving as a botanist and a geologist, perhaps the removal of these would increase clarity. Also, I could be wrong with this, but at points you say 'some view...' without offering a citation, I would check that this is alright. Other than that, I think you're pretty much on track. There are a few minor grammatical errors, such as unnecessary capitalisation, that will be very easy to solve once you've had a look over. Guyhall1 (talk) 17:46, 30 April 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review
Danny, I think your sandbox is almost ready for the main space. What I would pay attention to is a broad use of the information at times. For instance, I would resist using phrases like "some believe." Some sentences I think could also be shortened to make your presentation more concise. The section particularly focusing on the Rocky Mountains could maybe use some consolidation. The second paragraph near the bottom, for instance, is a little grammatically awkward and could use revision. Other wise, I think your additions to the article are interesting and well articulated. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Cdfuller410 (talk • contribs) 04:40, 3 May 2016 (UTC)