User talk:Dougc006

Matthew Groves
Matthew Groves was born on the 12th October 1945 in Heanor. He went to Derby college and studied necrophilia and eating sand in which he obtained the distinction grade. He then followed this by going to the University of Derby. He is currently in his third year at uni even though he cant count to ten, which still betters Daniel Pitman who cant get higher than 2. During his third year at uni, Matthew Groves got in a relationship and subsequently lost his virginity. They are soon to get married in the small town of Leek.

University life One day he forgot his pen and pad in which he was grilled by the lecturer. It's gone.

In his first year, he failed his Anatomy exam after spelling his name incorrectly. It read 'Mothew Grivs'.

Personal Life Matthew Groves was arrested in 1995 in connections with causing bodily harm to women which included heavy knocks to the head. He escaped jail by eating his own feet therefore releasing the shackles. His feet grew back.

He was also accused of eating an old lady's cat.

Groves has listed his heroes as Ched Evans, Jimmy Savile and the clapping monkey. His hobbies include banging tables, licking his feet and inserting his finger into his ear.

Football Matthew Groves signed up to the University of Derby men's football in which he became manager of the Buxton third team which he resigned from before even managing a game, which resulted in comments such as 'he couldn't manage a bath'. This also resulted in a facebook feud in which he commented 'wilding couldn't manage a boner'. Matthew Groves was also known for his over enthusiasm to the football chant related to Danny Short.

Death Matt Groves passed away on Friday 19th October 2012, following a tragic accident after climbing on a set of traffic lights and managing to hang himself with his own waistcoat. Following the terrible event, this date has now become a national Bank Holiday.