User talk:DrewTamez/sandbox


 * @DrewTamez You obviously put time and effort into your research! This look great. I do have a few suggestions-

Making connections and inferences: Although I think that what you've written so far would make for an excellent research paper, that's not what Wiki necessarily wants. Take care to only use facts that have been well-researched and not tie them together on your own (even though this is common sense, it's Wiki wants us to refrain from making any sort of inferences). For example the first sentence of "Publicity Effects" has no citation and (although it can be derived from the research you've done) this could be construed as an opinion. Consider eliminating such sentences or finding similar statements on a credited monitoring agency's website/report to paraphrase and cite.

Grammar and sentence structure- At the end of your opening paragraph change "there" to "their" In first sentence of second paragraph under Polling. change "disliked" to "dislike" or perhaps even "animosity" Reconsider the wording in the third sentence of the second paragraph under polling. It's a little confusing First sentence in second paragraph under "Personal Experience" is a run-on. Consider breaking it up Last sentence in fourth paragraph under "Personal Experience", change first "in" to "is" Third Sentence in first paragraph under "Publicity Effects", change "must" to "to".

Sections- Third and fourth paragraphs do not to seem to fit into the "polling" section. Consider making a "Laws and LGBTQ rights" or "Government and LGBTQ rights" section First paragraph of "Personal Experiences" could also go into "Laws" section I think that what you've done in creating an area where personal experiences of violence could be seen is super important. However, there is some extra information in there (like the last two paragraphs) where you talk about monitoring efforts and special reports from The Human Rights Watch and UN. Consider moving these last two paragraphs to "international monitoring" or a similarly themed section. A last thought on sections, instead of "Personal Experiences" and "Polling", consider putting them together into another section along the lines of "Experiences and thoughts of Ghanan Citizens on LGBTQ rights" (it's a lengthy section, but I feel something along those lines might be useful).

Consistency- Use LGBT or LGBTQ throughout. Stick with one

Needs Citation- Needed after last sentence in second paragraph of "polling". Needed somewhere within first three sentences of third paragraph of "polling".

Again, great work! When you're finished, this is going to be an excellent entry that will be really useful to a lot of people. Cassitymega (talk) 20:43, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Nic Peer Review: The content in this is really strong and you have a ton of information on how LGBTQ rights are dealt with in Ghana. First off, I didn't find any grammar or spelling errors other than what Cassity stated in her review. I think that adding more specific sections (as Cassity suggested) that allow the info to be categorized more intensely is definitely something that might be worthwhile. And following the laws that are prevalent in Ghana on LGBTQ rights is something I think would be worth using as a section as well. I believe that was the strongest part of the Wiki and you could be able to find a lot of good information on that. It might be difficult having a lot of info in that section without stating what these laws mean in regards to the LGBTQ community moving forward in Ghana, but even if the section isn't large it seems important. Dominic.barretto123 (talk) 23:08, 6 April 2020 (UTC)