User talk:Dv336/sandbox

Suggestions for changes
Hi ! Here is the original text and suggestions for how to re-write it.


 * ''The inclusion of Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, and Miss Major must all be included when talking about the history of transfeminism. If trans feminism works to liberate all women, including trans women, the three activists did their part in starting what is known as queer liberation/gay rights movement today advocating for black, brown, queer, gender non conforming/trans, poor, homeless, sex workers, HIV+, anti-war activists. What does it mean to exclude them from history just because they did not have published works early on that had them recognized but left them invisible even though they've done so much for the cause?

I would recommend that you include this in the first paragraph, as these women would be seen as pioneers in the field that started prior to 2000, so it'd make sense for it to be there chronologically. The following re-write suggestion takes into consideration that there is coverage that talks about these women in regards to transfeminism and not trans politics in general. Here's a suggestion for a potential re-write.


 * Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson contributed to the growth of transfeminism through the creation of Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries, a gay and transvestite advocacy organization. Other early transfeminists also include Miss Major, who was an active participant in the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City, advocates for transfeminist rights, and currently serves as the Executive Director for the Transgender GenderVariant Intersex Justice Project.

Basically all we would do here is give a very brief overview of what they've done in about 1-3 sentences or a single paragraph, without putting emotion into it. The general rule of thumb is that the reader shouldn't be able to detect that your viewpoint on the matter.


 * ''Valerio talks about his experiences as a transexual man and how feminist and queer/trans movements do not benefit transsexual people. He talks about the differences between the transsexual experience and the transgender experience. He only see's the efforts that transsexual people have made for trans equal rights as folks who actually go through hormone replacement treatment and medically transition, but does not recognize transgender folks who do not medically transition but still consider themselves to be trans. Valerio does not recognize that the fight that the trans movement tries to do for all trans people and instead polarizes what is transsexual and transgender against each other.
 * ''Transfeminism still struggles to be inclusive to marginalized folks within the trans community including trans women of color, trans sex workers, poor trans people, trans immigrants, and incarcerated trans folks. Janet Mock and the Trans Women of Color Collective have advocated for these groups of people to be included in trans liberation movements.
 * ''Working within the current system and assimilating towards equal rights is a problem when talking about true trans liberation. The system works against the survival and the ability to thrive for most marginalized trans folks. Through a neo-liberal and capitalist structure, trans people are rendered to a "slow death" which is a "physical wearing out of a population in a way that points to its deterioration as a defining condition of its experience and historical existence".
 * ''Transfeminism must also recognize that without queer indigenous/black politics more violence and oppression occurs through perpetuating further settler colonialism. A centering of Queer, Trans, Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color (QTBIPOC) must be done if all trans folks are to be advocated for. Indigenous cultures have recognized other genders such as two-spirit but colonization and white supremacy has erased their cultures and identities, thus trans issues also involves indigenous issues. Also, at the rate black trans women are enacted violence against, being murdered, and committing suicide, they are the most at risk when it comes to the survival of trans people.

I've merged your content about Valerio with the prior paragraph since it would make more sense for it to all be together. Here's my re-writing of this section:


 * In his work "This Bridge We Call Home" Max Wolf Valerio wrote that the acceptance of trans men in a group, place, or event can vary with nuances of identity, membership, or personal relationship and can often depend on his past contributions to feminism and friendly relationships with a prominent group member. Valerio feels that feminist and queer/trans movements do not benefit transsexual people, as there are marked differences between the transsexual experience and the transgender experience. In the work Valerio also states that he only recognizes transfeminist efforts made by people who go through both hormone replacement and medical transition, as he does not consider transgender people who do not medically transition as transgender. There is no clear trend on feminist acceptance of trans men other than more sophisticated discussions.
 * Despite advocacy by Janet Mock and the Trans Women of Color Collective, marginalized people within the trans community still struggle for recognition and inclusion within the trans liberation movements. Groups that experience marginalization within transfeminism can include trans women of color, trans sex workers, poor trans people, trans immigrants, and incarcerated trans people. In an article for the South Atlantic Quarterly poet and trans/queer activist Nat Raha remarked that it is difficult to achieve true trans liberation within the current system and assimilation towards equal rights, as the system works against the survival and the ability to thrive for most marginalized trans folks. Raha also felt that through a neo-liberal and capitalist structure, trans people are rendered to a "slow death" which is a "physical wearing out of a population in a way that points to its deterioration as a defining condition of its experience and historical existence".

I'm leaving the last paragraph out since I don't know if it's sourced to anything at this point in time, but if there are sources then you can re-add it once it's been re-written. If you want, you can use the rephrasings I've used above. Something to be cautious about is that you need to make sure that you don't use casual terms in your work like "folks", as this can detract from your work. You also need to make sure that you attribute quotes and opinions to the people who made them, in this case Valerio and Raha. Also make sure that when you include opinions, that they are stated clearly enough so that they can't be misunderstood. I didn't get any of that last part in your work, but with this type of subject matter it's a good thing to keep in mind since it can be scrutinzed quite a bit.

I hope this helps and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:16, 12 October 2017 (UTC)