User talk:Dvine16/sandbox

Hello, this is Peter Carley from class. Just thought I'd give you some feedback for the peer-review portion of our Wikiassignment. Some strongpoints of your article include:
 * organization. This article effectively uses subtitles and stays on-topic in chronological order. By keeping things organized, the article has a neat appearance and makes the reader far more likely to look through it.
 * quality of writing. Your writing is well-organized, and you present the facts in a concise and clear way. You do a good job at summarizing the main parts of your topic, and stay broad in terms of coverage. Your article seems relatively neutral, and you do a good job at avoiding a persuasive tone of writing.

Here are some suggestions for improvement:


 * Given the extent of your coverage of Mexican indigenismo, you should definitely incorporate both Zapata and Pancho Villa in your article. It seems that you cover a lot about Mexican presidents and their policies regarding indigenismo, but fail to mention other key players in the indigenous struggle.
 * You use a very limited range of sources. Even if your sources are well-informed, it would improve your article to incorporate different information from a wide range of articles. Given the broad nature of your topic--Indigenismo--it would make more sense if you included a broad range of sources.
 * By the same token, the number of places you discuss indigenismo seems limited; you state that "Indigenismo was applied differently in several Latin American countries" but solely discuss its role in Mexico. I would like to see how it is incorporated in other Latin American countries to get the full scope of its reach.
 * Illustrations could be useful. In order to make the page more catchy and provide some visual stimulation, illustrations would be a nice touch. Perhaps you could incorporate some into your article and discuss their significance to indigenismo as a whole.

Hey, I'm peer-reviewing your article. It's good overall. The only thematic problem: You say in the lead that Indigenismo spread throughout Latin America, but the article only talks about Indigenismo in Mexico. Other than that, there are two minor points: Other than that, it looks solid. I'd recommend researching more about Indigenismo outside Mexico. ModestMoussorgsky (talk) 05:00, 5 April 2015 (UTC)
 * One of your sentences is just "Plutarco Elías Calles (1924-1928)." I don't know if you deleted the rest of a sentence and left that fragment, or you meant to write more there.
 * You say the date of the First National Congress of Indigenous People, but don't say the year.

Suggestions for Improvement

 * Overall, I think you should add information about Indigenismo from other parts of the country. You give a lot of detail about Mexico, but you state in your lead that Indigenismo was used differently in different Latin American countries. You should explain these differences.
 * The first sentence in your article is too vague. You should incorporate the fourth sentence into the first sentence and combine your existing first and second sentences into something like:

"Indigenismo is a nationalist Latin American political ideology that began in the late nineteenth century and persisted through the twentieth that celebrates indigenous culture as part of a nation's history and attempts to integrate indigenous populations under the authority of a nation-state. Historically, it has been implemented by non-indigenous actors and has been enacted by a number of policies..." Again, good job! I look forward to reviewing it again when it is closer to being finished. Glasshn (talk) 23:41, 5 April 2015 (UTC)
 * You claim that indigenismo operated under racist paradigms, but you don't give a citation or explain what is racist. Although I agree with you, it is not a neutral point of view. There are other instances of non-neutral language throughout your article that you should change to reflect a neutral point of view.
 * This is a fragment: "During the aftermath of the revolution when the new government incorporated Indigenismo as an official ideology into the 1917 Constitution."
 * You should consider adding more citations throughout your two sections. For example, the first several sentences in "Indigenismo under Echeverria" are un-cited. Most of the sub-section "First National Congress of Indigenous People" has no citations.
 * You wrote, "In Patzcuaro, Michoacan the First National Congress of Indigenous People was held from October 7-10." What year?
 * You should make a new section for references so they aren't just hanging at the end of the article with no heading.