User talk:Dwhittaker74/sandbox

Peer Review Wikipedia Draft
- How could your peer improve the lead? Hi David, I think you did a really good job providing detail in your lead, but I would suggest boldening your title to make it stronger. Additionally, it might be easier to just say that this convention occurred between the 9th and 12th of December, rather than listing out each specific day.

- Is the overall article structure clear? I understand where you are coming from but you had suggested that there are 3 other important conventions that covered colored citizens after the Civil War, but neglect to talk about them. With this, I would suggest to leave that part out and maybe just focus on the one convention you are researching.

- Is there balanced coverage of the topic? Is the tone neutral? Through this draft, you talk a lot about the convention’s members and I think that you should maybe separate each one of these actors into their own heading perhaps. The heading title could be “Convention Participants”. I would also avoid using generalizations in your article, to stay away from a biased tone. Explain rather than tell.

- Are the sources reliable? The sources that you have chosen to use look to be reliable. We have chosen some of the same journals so that makes me believe that these are providing you with information based in California, which is correct to use. Furthermore, you used a lot of websites, but I encourage that almost because there are very few sources on these conventions.

- What proofreading or writing suggestions do you have to improve the article? I would suggest proofreading your article again for spelling mistakes. I am sure they are just typos, but I noticed you wrote “hughest” instead of “highest”. Simple spelling checks are what I mainly suggest. Additionally, maybe spacing out some headings to describe your convention participants more thoroughly would strengthen your article.

- What other things would you add or fix in the article? Besides the boldening of your heading and a few revisions of words, I think your article is well on its way. You included some important detail for the history of this convention and with that, I think you should expand a little bit more on the importance of these conventions and especially expand more on the legacies. Tiearamoore (talk) 00:22, 14 March 2020 (UTC) Tiearamoore (talk) 00:21, 14 March 2020 (UTC)