User talk:Edeleo7/sandbox

=Information for Reviewers= This is an original draft article for a class, HNRS 1035 at LSU. The purpose of this article is to not only detail on the history of colder weather patterns in Louisiana, but also snow's impact as an unusual abiotic natural disturbance in the typically temperate zone and its role in the larger context of anthropogenic climate change, known more commonly as global warming. Especially in the light of the recent Winter Storm Leon, this topic is particularly relevant and recent and remains lacking in overarching informational stores concerning snow patterns in the state. Due to the scarcity of the cold and snowy weather in Louisiana, many citizens of the region are often unprepared to handle what may be considered a storm of little consequence in more northern states. This topic necessitates the creation of a new Wikipedia page so that information on winter storms in Louisiana can be elaborated upon with the focus of the effect on Louisiana’s ecosystems and people. Edeleo7 (talk) 19:05, 1 April 2014 (UTC)edeleo7

=Reviewers= Review from Isabella Hicks: The subject is an interesting one. Explain more in the first section about the actual weather events. Some of the wording could be more concise and simpler to understand, for example, the first sentence could be more straightforward. Good arrangement and the order of sections flows well for understanding. One reference, number 8, has a red "missing" section. No spelling/grammar errors that I can see. Maybe add more content if there is anything to expound upon. 2620:105:B00B:4812:4186:926:90DE:492C (talk) 03:55, 9 March 2014 (UTC)

Review Geoffrey Place Developing this subject was a great idea, and I think the article you have thus far is great. I would work the very first paragraph a little, taking out extraneous bits. I would also consider developing a topic dealing with how the wildlife reacts to the snow and how ecosystems are affected. The way that you could possibly do this is to use wording right, but suggest what may happen because "this" is what has happened elsewhere. Any information that you could gather on that would be good. I think it is organized nicely and is a great topic. Rplace1 (talk) 20:58, 18 March 2014 (UTC)

Review from Dr. Becky
I agree with both of your peers' comments. This is an impressive draft and formation of a new article. Improvement is needed in the organization of ideas, word choices, and specifics. For example, the first sentence of the lead section is solid, but the the following statements do not flow. This can lose the reader quickly. Be specific about this event- what is the annual snowfall for Louisiana and how much is "record breaking?" There needs to be more connection to the ecosystems and the inhabitants within that were affected. You may draw on other snowfall events in the past to describe effects. Be sure to provide appropriate references to support statements. This article has great potential so keep pushing yourself to make it outstanding! B.J.Carmichael (talk) 17:18, 19 March 2014 (UTC)

Final live version comments
On Facebook, I said that I would make my " language more direct because some of the lead sentences are convoluted and misleading." I addressed this in my lead paragraph by rewording my first sentence and editing word choice to allow for better flow. I checked my sources to see what qualified as "record breaking" snow and found that my source did not have strong evidence to back up this statement. I therefore reworded my statement to be less strong to prevent misleading readers. I included more information on Louisiana's ecosystem to include a bit about alligators, something I found quite interesting. Overall, much of the grammar and word choice was scrutinized, and I made sure that each detail was credibly backed up and removed extraneous wording that could possibly be misleading. Edeleo7 (talk) 19:05, 1 April 2014 (UTC)edeleo7