User talk:Edobarn

Shintaido
Hi I noticed you have been editing on the Shintaido page, some of the text you have added is not appropriate tone for an encyclopaedia, as it dose not discuss the subject neutrally, but has a specific view try reading Writing better articles especially the section on tone as the material you are adding is potentially good but needs better phrasing and would benefit from some external sources i.e. those not linked to a Shintaido organisation. Happy editing. --Nate1481 15:32, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
 * The main issue was that it reads like a pamphlet promoting or advertising shintaido, for example, unless there are secondary sources that support the benefits shintaido gives, it needs to be phrased as 'exponents believe', rather than 'this is' and some secitons that are philosophical on how the body works need to be described as from that view. I have tired to do some, but being unfamiliiar with the detials I dont' know if my rephrasing correctly captures the points. --Nate1481 09:10, 27 January 2009 (UTC)