User talk:Egejuru2/Abuja National Stadum

comment from joe
Naya -- This is a very good article. You have done excellent research and provide lots of useful detailed information about this stadium.

You should now refine the wording of your sentences.


 * You use some phrases that have vague meaning, such as "up to par" or "on a par".


 * You use "was" and "were" in places where the real action of the sentence could be expressed by a more active verb.


 * This sentence is confusing -- I think you left some words out.


 * Adopted by the contractor, for the first time in the world, a ringbeam for this kind of roof structure was made of concrete.


 * I'm not sure you are consistent with your verb tense -- sometimes you say "was built", other times you say "is engineered.


 * "There were lots of doubts" is too informal and imprecise. Who had these doubts? What do you mean by "lots of"?


 * In the intro paragraph you say that "The construction was to be completed in time to host the 8th All Africa Games which took place in October of 2003." You sort of imply here that they did not succeed, but a reader has to go all the way to the history section to find out that the building was in fact finished on time. So this "was to be" is misleading. Why not just say that it was completed on time to host the games? (Maybe I am misunderstanding something.)


 * Proofread for spelling and subject/verb agreement.

--Joegrohens 22:01, 14 November 2006 (UTC)