User talk:Egibbon120/sandbox

Egibbon120 Peer Review
Hey Erica!

You have a strong starting place with your article. The lead paragraph is very appropriate for the content of the page. Maybe consider touching on all of the different mediums he worked with: performance, fashion, graffiti/murals, painting, etc. As part of the introduction, so the reader can get a feel for how broadly known his work is.

Consider separating the early work section. It says "early work" but some of the dates discussed reach up to the last couple of years of his life. It seems like there may be a break where it says "international breakthrough." Don't forget to go back and make that a header. Consider breaking the "exhibition" section into retrospectives and (solo) exhibitions, to separate the ones that happened while he was alive. That will also allow the retrospective section to be more developed, while the exhibition section can be more of a list, and you wont have to repeat information, like other authors to the page have done.

Also do you have dates for the solo exhibitions?

Consider relocating the "exhibitions" and the "death" sections to the bottom of the page. This may be a more effective way of organizing it for the reader.

Be careful of biased, lively words in the influences section. Also consider reorganizing this section, so the part about the nuclear meltdown is above the part about christian influence, where it will flow better after the "666" reference.

Maybe use the word "homosexual" instead of gay. I'm not sure if it's a big deal, it just seems more professional to me when told that way.

Overall you're off to a great start and you have a great artist to work with. IF you'd like any more feedback or if you need any clarification about any of my comments, you have my phone number! Gpoulton (talk) 00:10, 7 March 2019 (UTC)

peer review
Lots of great content to work with. What you added flows really well with the rest of the article. A lot of what Grace said above I agree with about the early work section and the exhibitions so I won't In the early work section, the sentence right before the big chunk of what you added talks about photocopied collages of headlines. Is that the same as the ones mentioned in your section? If so, these thoughts could be combined. There are some parts in the influences section that feel lofty and slightly subjective. Also maybe consider condensing some of the content about the Jesus Movement and moving the nuclear meltdown bit before it. Make sure to put in your citations. Looks good! You added really interesting and engaging content! Lsmith126 (talk) 06:55, 7 March 2019 (UTC)