User talk:Eklui/sandbox

Peer Review/Edit- Toshali Katyal

Hi Emily! I really enjoyed reading your articles and the additions you made to both the area and sector sections. For the "Causes of Unemployment in the US" article, under the "Macroeconomic Explanations", I would cite each sentence (even if it's from the same source) to provide credibility to the information. Similarly, in the "Social Enterprise" article, under the "Hybrid Forms" section, I would also include citations for each concrete information added. I would provide the same suggestion for the "Social Enterprise vs. Corporate Social Responsibility" and "Terminology" sections as well. I think that "social enterprise vs nonprofit" section could be organized more clearly- I was a bit confused reading the section/not able to differentiate between the definitions for social enterprise and nonprofit. Other than that, this is really good!

Peer Review/Edit - Emily Wagner
Hi Emily!

I really enjoyed your summaries/syntheses! You've done a lot of work and it looks really great so far. I have a few suggestions for you (My grammatical/spelling edits are in bold):


 * I think you're only supposed to capitalize the first word in the titles of sections. For example, "Macroeconomic Explanations for Unemployment" should be "Macroeconomic explanations for unemployment".


 * The Great Depression: "The hard core unemployment phenomenon present in the 1930's is believed to be caused by [who believes it is caused by this]..."

"For example, a ski lift operator looking for employment during the summer would be a form of/would be an example of/would be considered seasonal unemployment." (need a verb to make this a complete sentence)
 * Macroeconomic explanations for unemployment: During a recession, output production temporarily falls due to lack of demand, and as a result fewer workers are needed.


 * Under Causes of unemployment in the United States, in the Great Depression section, you put terms like "hard core" and "efficiency wage" into quotations, while in the Macroeconomic explanations for unemployment section you italicized terms like frictional unemployment. I suggest italicizing all of them to keep a consistent format between sections, or not italicizing or quoting anything, depending on how the rest of the article treats terms like these.

"If a worker leaves a job due to health reasons that is also considered to be involuntary job loss, for although it was the worker, not the employer, making the decision, the worker has no control over the situation." The sentence is a little awkward so consider rephrasing to something like: A worker leaving a job due to health reasons is also considered to be involuntary job loss. This is because, although the worker rather than the employer made the decision, the worker has no control over the situation. -- it's pretty similar to your sentence but I think separating it into two sentences would make it a little less awkward. "Frictional, seasonal, and cyclical unemployment are usually involuntary. They are all caused by external factors, while voluntary unemployment is usually a conscious decision that can be influenced by external factors." Maybe consider rephrasing to something like: Frictional, seasonal, and cyclical unemployment are usually involuntary since they are caused by external factors. Voluntary employment, on the other hand, is usually a conscious decision that can be influenced by external factors.
 * Sociological insights: "Involuntary vs voluntary unemployment: Job loss is defined to be involuntary, and occurs when workers are either fired or laid off." -- Are you planning on keeping the "Involuntary vs voluntary unemployment" phrase? It doesn't read like an encyclopedia so I would recommend getting rid of that little phrase and jumping straight into the "Job loss..." sentence, unless it's there for your reference. I would also consider rephrasing the sentence to be something like "Job loss is considered to be a form of involuntary employment, and occurs when workers....

"The Social Enterprise Alliance (SEA) defines the following as reasons for this transition: the increase in non-profit operating costs, the decline in government and public philanthropic support, increased competition due to growth in the charitable sector, and the expansion in the demand for non-profit provided services."
 * Origins: "Originally, non-profit organizations relied on governmental and public support, but more recently they have started to rely on profits from their own social change operations."

Another definition, and how the Social Enterprise Alliance (SEA) defines a social enterprise to be, is that a social enterprise is an organization that uses business methods to execute it's social/environmental mission. "[Delete: Another definition, and how] The Social Enterprise Alliance (SEA) defines a social enterprise to be [delete:, is that a social enterprise is] an organization that uses business methods to execute it's social/environmental mission."
 * Terminology: "A more common view is that social enterprises should not be motivated by profit; rather, profit motives should be secondary [delete comma] to the primary social goal."


 * Social enterprise vs . non-profit: "Social enterprises are not only [delete: merely just] a part of a non-profit. A large portion of social enterprises are non-profits, but [delete: not all are;] there are also for-profit social enterprises. In recent years, hybrid structured models have become more and more common. --define hybrid structured models more explicitly. It's implied here but should be more outright.


 * Social enterprise vs. corporate social responsibility: "Social enterprises place a lot of emphasis on external social responsibility[delete: ,] as a result of their social objectives, so social impact is built into the organization."


 * Social enterprise funding: Socially responsible investing (SRI) seeks to maximize both financial gain and social impact, but social enterprises may not view these two as equal, and they may place social good above profit maximization, acknowledging that in order to be a sustainable organization they must be profitable.[13] -- This is a really long sentence, so maybe consider separating it into multiple sentences. For example: Socially responsible investing seeks to maximize both financial gain and social impact, while social enterprises may not view these two as equal. Instead, social enterprises may place social good above profit maximization, acknowledging that in order to be a sustainable organization they must be profitable." Additionally, this sentence seems a bit confusing/contradictory to me. Are social enterprises placing social good above profit maximization? Or are they saying that they need to be profitable to be successful? There seems to be a contradiction in this statement (if I wasn't clear enough on the contradiction please feel free to let me know!)

I think it looks a bit better to type L³C instead of L^3C, unless that's how it's written in your source. Also, is there a citation for this section?
 * Hybrid forms: Consider rephrasing this sentence: "The three requirements established by states that have authorized the use of the L^3C model are to operate for "charitable or educational purposes", to have "no significant purpose for production of income", and to not be operating to achieve a political or legislative agenda." to "States that have authorized the use of the L³C model have established three requirements: to operate for "charitable or educational purposes", to have "no significant purpose for production of income", and to not be operating with the goal of achieving a political or legislative agenda." Also, there are lots of quotes in this section. I understand that it's difficult to paraphrase but if you can, it would be nice here.

Overall, it's really good! Your subsections seem like an appropriate length given the overall size of the articles, and it seemed neutral to me overall.

Wags1234 (talk) 21:46, 19 March 2018 (UTC)

Emily's Peer Review
Hey Emily. This is one of the more impressive sandbox additions I have read. I see that a fellow peer review student in our class has already edited some grammar and punctuation. I agree with the above edits. Very strong article overall. I hope you find my peer review helpful.

Lead
The lead of your article seems adequate. But a little redundant in its first sentence.

Grammar and edit:
'''Sociological insights ''' This sentence could be re worded a bit: If a worker leaves a job due to health reasons that is also considered to be involuntary job loss, for although it was the worker, not the employer, making the decision, the worker has no control over the situation. I suggest splitting between two sentences.

who specifically doesn't qualify for job-seeker's allowance and what is considered specifically "short term unemployment"?

Neutral/Balance:
'''Sociological Insights ''' your last line seems a bit controversial. I believe there are several theories regarding if this last line is true or not. Is it necessarily true that these individuals will have no motivation to work? the line I am talking about: As a result of these benefits, a reservation wage, or wage level below which individuals will have no motivation to work, is created.[1]

Structure
I really like your structure. Your content length also seems balanced. I'm impressed that you found your niche to write in this article.

Lead
When you say that social change is their main purpose, do you mean that the maximization of profit is just a means to an end?

Grammar and edit
Origins

In this sentence, when you list things you need a colon. It probably should read, "The Social Enterprise Alliance (SEA) defines the reason for this transition as the following: the increase in non-profit operating costs, the decline in government and public philanthropic support, increased competition due to growth in the charitable sector, and the expansion in the demand for non-profit provided services" You could also rearrange this sentence to omit the colon altogether.

Terminology In this section I suggest also numbering each definition, that way it provides structure for the reader.

"A more common view is that social enterprises should not be motivated by profit, rather profit motives should be secondary, to the primary social goal." In this sentence who holds this more common view? also, the comma placements make it a little confusing to read.

"Another definition, and how the Social Enterprise Alliance (SEA) defines a social enterprise to be, is that a social enterprise is an organization that uses business methods to execute it's social/environmental mission." I suggest changing the language to "A second definition provided by SEA defines a social enterprise to be a social enterprise as an organization that uses business methods to execute it's social/environmental mission."

According to this definition, the social enterprise's social mission is to help the disadvantaged by directly providing goods or services instead of money.

'''Social enterprise vs Non-Profit ''' in this section I think your second sentence should be written a bit more clearly: "A large portion of social enterprises are non-profits; but that is not always the case, there are also for-profit social enterprises." The way you wrote it is also okay, just rearrange the punctuation.

Neutral and Balance
I feel like your section Social enterprise vs Non-profit should be a little more expanded if you are going to dedicate a whole section to it.

Structure
I like your structure here.

My general suggestions would be to review the punctuation and flow of your article. I caught the ones I found to be a little off putting. But I have to say, the work in your sandbox is really impressive. I really enjoyed seeing your structure and how much you have to add to the articles. It seemed very well done and strategic.

Rbuell (talk) 02:12, 20 March 2018 (UTC)

Mainspace Writing Workshop: Social Enterprises
a. Very nice/helpful additions. I learned about how social enterprises came about, what they are defined as, and how they differ from other organizations. b/c. I think the terminology section could be improved in terms of wording/transitions - for instance, starting off the paragraph by stating "there are a number of proposed definitions for social enterprises." Yunus's definition seems to be more of an opinion than a definition, but it doesn't seem to offer an opposing or contradicting viewpoint than the other definitions either. Some of the additions to social enterprise vs nonprofit section do seem a little repetitive to the sentences that follow.

d. Is socially responsible investing (SRI) how social enterprises get funded? May help to include additional info on that.

Annaou (talk) 00:12, 25 April 2018 (UTC)