User talk:ElainaDH/sandboxMarseille

Spelling/Grammar

 * This indicate[s] the city has multicultural tolerance
 * World War II a [wave of] Jewish immigrants
 * “capitols" of culture, should be "capitals" of culture

Language

 * "some say the geography..." Who says this?
 * I would say "Although residents have diverse origins, they..."
 * The first paragraph seems like a persuasive essay or ad for Marseille, and not an encyclopedia
 * What does "the communists took over" entail? Were they elected?

Organization

 * I'm not exactly sure how I would go about organizing this... Maybe start with the historical context? It seems like the last sentence of the second paragraph could by included in the first paragraph, at least.

Coding
Meets standard.

Validity

 * The first paragraph only documents the positive aspects of Marseille, but reading the first source, we can see that there are negative aspects as well (racially motivated murders, xenophobic National Front, communities do co‐exist, but often warily and at a distance)

Completion
Meets standard.

Relevance
Meets standard

5/17/2019 Evaluation by KStein91

 * Points: 37.5/40

Spelling/Grammar
Exceeds standard: looks great.

Language
Meets standard: Nice professional tone throughout.

Organization
Nearly meets standard: is the italic text preexisting or is it italicized for quoting purposes? Overall, though it is easy to read.

Coding
Meets standard: looks good, however I am confused by the use of the italicized text.

Validity
Meets standard: appears to be solid information, good job.

Completion
Meets standard: great interpreting your sources into easily digestible paragraphs.

Relevance
Meets standard: Good job adding information about the multi-cultural nature of Marseille.

Citation
Meets standard: well used citations throughout.

6/7/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 18:42, 7 June 2019 (UTC)

I see that you already implemented this on Wikipedia. That's great! But I do think that you should go back and fix a few things, as per my suggestions below.
 * Points: 35/40
 * Grade: 87.5%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard.
 * "By the 1890's. immigrants..." omit the apostrophe. The 1890s are plural, not possessive.
 * "Marseille has served as a major port where immigrants from around the Mediterranean arrive" Verb tense conflict.
 * "Marseille continues to be more multicultural." This is awkwardly timed. It's in a historical segment, and therefore should use the past tense. Even so, you're not suggesting much of a transition between periods between which we witness continuity.
 * "...wave ofJewish immigrants..." put a space in there.

Language
Nearly meets standard.
 * "Immigration has made Marseille what it is today." This sort of statement sounds like something you'd find in a tourist pamphlet.
 * "Immigrants first came locally..." Given Marseille's long history, you might want to qualify the given period somewhat.
 * "Armenians from Turkey began..." The Ottoman Empire, as the Turkey did not yet exist in 1915.
 * "In 1962, when Algeria, Morocco, and Tunisia became independent, French citizens from there arrived in Marseille. [8] When most of France’s colonies gained independence in the 1960s,..." These two sentences are talking about the same development. Therefore it's awkward that the second sentence acts as if it is talking about something new.

Organization
Nearly meets standard.
 * I think the 'European Capital of Culture' paragraph should probably be extracted back out under its own subheader, with that see-also template that it had before your revision.
 * Your first paragraph is very interesting and analytical. It's probably not the best first paragraph for this section, since you should describe before you analyze and explain.
 * "For a while, the mafia appeared to run the city; then the communists became more prominent." This may best be part of a very different section. The Mafia in question may be Italian, but might also have been home-grown pretending to be Italians. Communists are not a culture. Now, Kimmelman might be entirely right, but as much as I love the New York Times a weekender puff piece like this article is not exactly the most solid foundation on which to write your Wikipedia contribution. He does cite Jean Viard, who has a couple of articles in our library's databases. He would be a much better source to reference.

Coding
Meets standard.

Validity
Nearly meets standard.
 * "Marseille became Europe’s busiest port by 1900, trading merchandise with Africa, Asia and the Americas." I very much doubt that this is true. Rotterdam, Antwerp, Hamburg and Barcelona outclass Marseille in most categories of port busy-ness, nor does Dickey, whom you cite, seem to make this point. Maybe it's true in 1900, but I'm very skeptical. Can you point to the paragraph in his article where this is asserted? Clark doesn't mention this about Marseille.

Completion
Exceeds standard. You've really written a lot here.

Relevance
Exceeds standard. Yes, the existing article is improved with these additions, but I suggest that you implement my suggestions here to really give it some more polish.