User talk:Elanmccall/sandbox

I chose the Columbine High School Massacre as the article that I would like to help improve and gain more knowledge about. I will add even more depth to this page as well as a psychological point of view. I thinnk I can get the information from places like the news and newspaper articles and possibly develop more knowledge from other Wikipedia pages.

Kenzie Peer Reviewing Elan's Draft in Sandbox Social Construct of Gender
I think one thing you need to be careful of is making claims without citations. For example, you start off with the claim that society puts women and men in different categories. This is great, but back it up. At every claim you make, you must have a citation. Wikipedia language is very factual based instead of opinionated. I would also stay away from quoting cliche phrases and get rid of the capital WOMEN and MEN.

Other than those changes, I loved your page, topic and the enthusiasm! The structure of the article is amazing. You say some very wise things toward the end, but remember to keep it in Wikipedia-factual language. I attached a small revision as an example of what can be done.

Original: How we are taught growing up plays a role in how we will carry ourselves without the help of "societal roles." Wikipedia language: Psychologists have concluded that how men and women are raised can play a large role in how those men and women carry themselves, without the help of societal roles (citation of where you got the fact).

Natasha on Demita Frazier
I like how you incorporated the Combahee River Collective in the snipet about Demita Fraizer. I think if you talked more about what she did and her reasoning why rather than what the Collective did, it would tie the whole thing together and present better! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Elanmccall (talk • contribs) 00:11, 18 April 2018 (UTC)

Annabel on Lesbian Feminism
Was not able to find edited article. But what I thought about the already edited article...I enjoyed how many sub topics there were that I knew about, especially queer theory because we just learned about it and I think that could be the part you edit quite a bit about. I think you can establish more on what some of the named black feminist did and not just explain what it is. You and Natasha have a very similar topic and I feel like you both can get a few ideas from one another. All in all, I think this topic is very broad and good to talk about, so if you find one specific piece and stick to that and explain it thoroughly, it would help out the article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Elanmccall (talk • contribs) 00:18, 18 April 2018 (UTC)

Kenzie on Margaret Sloan-Hunter
Kenzie, I really enjoyed the sentences you added to this article because it ties the whole thing together. On your grammar, I think it's good; maybe instead of using Margaret as many times, you could use her last name as a substitute. I agree that adding in what consisted of her early life helps make the article more engaging. Maybe using the book information could be more resourceful than what you would find online and if you received any helpful information from Aimme Harrison you could add those sentences as well! But I definitely think your editing makes sense and I really like it! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Elanmccall (talk • contribs) 00:24, 18 April 2018 (UTC)

Annabel Reviewing Elanmccall's Social Construction of Gender
Overall great job! When looking at the overall article, it looks like there are some holes in the "gender roles" section. Use content from the "Gender Roles" article on wikipedia or find some research that we used in class to fill that out and make the gender portion a more complete thought. Some claims, though, are made without citations or sources, which could be better. I would also love to see a section on what happens because of the social construction of gender (i.e. self handicapping, less women in politics or C-suite positions because of their belief to be less qualified than men, etc.)

A.hillstrom (talk) 10:51, 18 April 2018 (UTC) Annabel Hillstrom