User talk:Emeraldamartinez/sandbox

The information is a bit hard to understand. I'm confused about what exactly the article discusses from just an initial read. Is this about a chapter from a book? A lot of sentences start with the word "she" and "this" which makes it a little repetitive. It does have good grammar and good spelling, though it is a bit short.

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I found this to be a good start for an article. I noticed you had three sources in your reference page but did not cite them within your article. I think that it would do you well to maybe watch a youtube video on the formatting of a wikipedia article as it does not have the typical article appearance. Overall I can see that a lead section was attempted and that there is relevant information, but I would work on trying to maintain and encyclopedic tone within the article. Kyeblaser (talk) 20:31, 16 March 2021 (UTC) It would help if this article included more information about some of the activities that the PFLAG Black Chapter has done. It would also be helpful if it included some more dates (like when it was founded, when Khalil gave a speech at the Martin Luther King march, etc.). It also should mention how the Black Chapter left PFLAG and was renamed to the Sankofa Collective. -- Sandbergja (talk) 04:54, 9 March 2020 (UTC)

I thought this was a good draft to the article. I can tell a lead section is present but some spacing and formatting would make it easier to distinguish the title from the headings and the body. It has a few mistakes with phrasing and punctuation, but it just needs some quick proofreading. Having distinct sections could likely help get the information to fit better together. There is a good basis for adding headings to arrange the information by themes to create some structure to your article. It is a little fragmented from talking about the PFLAG Portland Black Chapter to talking about “Antoinette and her son Khalil.” You give good, concise summaries of the organization and the individuals but need to separate the information. Maybe try introducing them in a sentence first and then expand into summaries. Content of the article sounds interesting and inspiring. I want to read more! You only really covered a brief overview of what the organization is and their family life. You have reputable sources but in text citations are needed as well as formatted references at the bottom of the page. You did really good staying neutral. I want to learn more about the organization they established together. Maybe there are other wiki articles about them that could be linked within the article, so you don't have to give their expanded stories? Jenniex0095 (talk) 05:41, 13 March 2020 (UTC)

Lerb128 (talk) 03:40, 3 March 2021 (UTC)Lerb128== Review of Article ==

I think that your article is missing a lot of important details. I think it would be beneficial to add more information pertaining to the activities that the PFLAG Black Chapter participated in. I also think that your citations were not properly placed into you article. I think the formatting in the sense of how you display your information to the reader could use some work.