User talk:Emilenelson/thirdeditsandbox

=Evaluations=

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations Consider, "The Irish Language Revival" (particularly because you use, "The Irish Language" in the following paragraph) hashtag, nitpicking ;). First sentence feels a bit like a run-on and is quite confusing in its construction. Consider streamlining to read something like, "The Irish Language is a dialect of the country Ireland. Referred to as Celtic by Irish natives, the language found its origins in the Gaelic Language." 2nd. Paragraph: 2nd. sentence: Again, you might consider breaking this sentence up for clarity and streamlining purposes. Perhaps reading, like: "The initiative was inspired by the 125 year anniversary (of what? You say: "since the first Irish language revival" which feels very confusing) and will revolve around native Irish journalism, literature and folk traditions." 4th. Paragraph under History: You use "dwindle" twice, consider a different verb. The use of Irish to English. I had this same issue in my edit with how and when to use which language. I would suggest, because this is an English Edit, to always start with the English version. For instance, most of your headers are in English but the "Conradh na Gaeilge" is in Irish(?) I suppose...I think it might be more helpful to your readers to write the header in English, first, "The Gaelic League" with "Conradh na Gaeilge" in parenthesis. Cultur Club header should have an 'e' on Culture

Language
Meets Expectations

Organization
Good

Coding
Good

Validity
Good

Completion
Good 1st Paragraph: You could further develop your 1st paragraph in regards to only 2% of the population speaking Irish to add content and interest. Initially, I was curious as to the 'why' behind so little of the population perpetuating their native language. You explain this further down in the History portion of your edit, but in reading top/down it is a bit confusing. Maybe even simply inserting a quick explanation from the historical portion would be helpful. 2nd. Paragraph: I would have appreciated further explanation of what "Year of the Irish Language" is. The second sentence in this paragraph follows with proclaiming, "this initiative" which I am assuming is "The Year of the Irish Language" but what is this initiative used for or what does it do? Encourage native appreciation of the language? Teach citizens the language? Celebrate heritage?

You have several paragraphs which meet the content requirement of this assignment.

Relevance
Good This topic on the Irish language will serve as an informative and nice addition to Dublin's Wiki page.

Julia's Peer Review
=Evaluations=


 * Points: 35.5/40
 * Grade: 86%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly Meets Standard The first and third sentences of your first paragraph are run-ons. Try breaking them up or rewording them. The last part of the first sentence "sometimes referred to as Celtic" is confusing. The sentence also doesn't appear to be fully accurate. When I looked at the Irish Language Wikipedia page it looks like the classification of The Irish Language is more complex than you describe. I suggest adding another sentence or two that further clarify the definition of the Irish Language.

Your sentence "Due to immigration, death and the imposition of the English language, in present day Ireland, less than two percent of the population speaks Irish outside of school" could be rewritten as " Due to immigration, death and the imposition of the English language, less than two percent of the population speaks Irish outside of school in Ireland." or "In Ireland, less than two percent of the population speaks Irish outside of school. This is due to a history of immigration, death, and the imposition of the English Language."

Your sentence "The idea behind the initiative was inspired by the 125 year anniversary since the first Irish language revival and will revolve around journalism, literature and folk traditions" is also a run on. The "since the first Irish language revival" would read better if it was "of the first Irish language revival." Since you're saying that the initiative already started than the verb "revolve" should be "revolves" or "revolved" depending on if it's still happening. The sentence could also be broken into two sentences so that it would be "The idea behind the initiative was inspired by the 125 year anniversary of the first Irish language revival. It revolves around journalism, literature and folk traditions"

The first sentence of your Cultur Club section is a sentence fragment. It should be "Cultur Club is an international project launched in October of 2018."

Language
Meets Standard Only suggestion is to take out "kicked off" from your sentence "The year was kicked off by a special broadcast on New Year's Eve 2017. On March 3rd, there was a parade through Dublin, followed by family activities, speeches and a concert." Maybe write "The year began with a special broadcast..." It sounds more formal.

Organization
Exceeds Standard The organization of your paper is perfect. Easy to follow. I like the photos that you added.

Coding
Meets Standard

Validity
Meets Standard. My only qualm is your first sentence of your first paragraph. The validity of it is also questioned because the source for it is a magazine.

Completion
Meets Standard. This page reads like a complete piece of work. The only section to could be expanded is the history of the Irish language. You write that it is long and complex but do not include a lot of information about it. I would like to read more about why it began to disappear.

Relevance
Nearly meets standard. Your Irish Language Revival and History section does not mention Dublin at all. I suggest adding information into those sections which ties into Dublin.

12/5/2018 Evaluation by User:Mariaalto
Spelling/Grammar Exceeds Expectations

Language Exceeds Expectations.

Organization Meets Expectations

Coding Meets Expectations

Validity Exceeds Expectations

Completion Exceeds Expectations

Relevance Exceeds Expectations

Sources Exceeds Expectations

Citations Exceeds Expectations

References Exceeds Expectations — Preceding unsigned comment added by Mariaalto (talk • contribs) 01:52, 6 December 2018 (UTC)