User talk:Emmaleefk/sandbox

Moving Article into Mainspace
Hi Emma, Ebany, Emily, and Ryan, Just a reminder that since last session you should be moving your edited article into mainspace bit by bit. Remember that every time you save an edit, you need to write in an edit summary so that I can tell what's happening - so if you are editing the Secular Spirituality mainspace article, your edit summary should include the phrase "moving over edits from sandbox into mainspace." And remember you can keep using the Talk Page here to hash out issues of how to move sections over, and you can keep using the Talk Page on the Secular Spirituality article in the mainspace to hash out issues of where things should go, to have conversations with other editors, etc. MonstreDélicat (talk) 17:55, 22 November 2015 (UTC)

Laurenfroud (talk) 16:06, 15 November 2015 (UTC)

Hi Secular Spirituality group, this is what I edited from your page.

Introduction paragraph:

o	The Robert C. Solomon quote is missing quotation marks at the end

Definition paragraph:

o	How did you choose which humanistic qualities to hyperlink? I feel like all of them could have hyper links o	Second sentence of definition paragraph is confusing. Not a full sentence. o	The word “ones” in the third sentence should be “one’s”

Theorists: Cornel W Du Toit:

o	Sentence “Toit argues that secular spirituality is different than earlier…” spiritualties is spelled incorrectly. o	The end of the sentence needs a space between “spirituality” and “This.” o	The word “technoscientific” is not a term. Possibly hyphenate it or make two separate words. Be consistent with your spelling as it is spelled differently throughout the article. o	Missing quotations at the end of last Toit quote in the last sentence.

Peter Van der Veer:

o	Last sentence “… or since” do you mean science? The sentence is confusing

Next
Hello, it's Shelby! Here are some suggestions for the first few sections.

In your introducton section:


 * 1) missing a quotation mark on “other‐worldly.
 * 2) Missing period…. perhaps the ultimate goal, of philosophy" [2]

Definition section: For example: In this context, spirituality is a matter of nurturing….
 * 1) Misspelled solitude… with solicitude
 * 1) Condense this sentence: Spirituality in this context may be a matter of nurturing thoughts, emotions, words and actions that are in harmony with a belief that everything in the universe is mutually dependent.

Technology and Secular Spirituality Section: For example: …systems that allow spiritual ideas to be accessed and for connections to form between spiritual persons. I would say … as opposed to viewing technology in tension with spirituality.
 * 1) hyperlink in first sentence seems random, perhaps connect “Religion and Internet” hyperlink to online-religion/religion on line terms instead
 * 2) Hyperlink to “communitree”?
 * 3)  Condense this sentence: Outside of Communitree, the Internet contains countless forums, websites, and messaging systems allowing for information regarding spiritual ideas to be accessed and connections to be made between spiritual beings offering or seeking advice.[10]
 * 1) Last sentence of techno-spirituality: Secular spirituality is a phenomenon that recognizes the link between technology and spirituality, as opposed to viewing technology as in competition with spirituality.

Make sure you use consistent spellings and hyphenations of phrases. You use plenty of resources and citations. I enjoy the hyperlinks. Also good job including views from different angles. Well done!

Shelbystinnissen (talk) 16:08, 15 November 2015 (UTC)

Hi Secular Spirituality, this is Chelsea! I edited the sections on Education and Secular Spirituality, Secular Spirituality in Africa, and Chicano Spirituality.

Education and Secular Spirituality Notes:

- This section would be stronger if it didn't start with someone else's argument. It assumes that the reader has knowledge of the topic. I would have liked to read a brief description of what the topic is because it isn't clear at the beginning. - There were some interesting terms used throughout this section but they weren't defined or discussed. Specifically Crawford's use of the phrase "ultimate questions of heart and soul". This point seems important to both the section and Crawford's argument, what does it mean? Another term is "pluralistic society", the reader can only assume what this term means within the context of the article, it would be nice to have some clarity as it seems like an important term. - The use of Crawford as a source was excessive, the section comes off as a summary of Crawford's thoughts on the topic instead of a well rounded encyclopedia article. The use of more sources would greatly improve this section. - On a similar note, this section only refers to Canadian schools, either use more sources to create a global picture of the topic, or state in the header, or beginning of the section that it is specific to Canada. - Lastly, I found that the arguments and the section as a whole was very one sided. I kept thinking of counter arguments while reading the section which makes me think that there must be academic sources out there that show a different perspective. Providing either more sources with varying opinions or counter arguments would make the article well rounded.

Secular Spirituality in Africa:

This section could use some clarity. Does it refer to all of Africa? Does it refer to people that identify with an institutionalized religion? The section as a whole is a bit confusing, it would require some more explanation of the topic as it seems out of place. The use of links is useful because it adds some clarity to the terms used.

Chicano Spirituality:

- I would suggest starting this section by defining Chicano. You did this by linking the word to the corresponding Wikipedia article, but I think it would add to the section. - What is the Chicano myth? What is Aztlan? - It's an interesting section, and a great start, but I think you need to expand on ideas, and terms because it lacks clarity, and is a bit of a confusing read. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Bisson.chelsea (talk • contribs) 18:35, 16 November 2015 (UTC)

Yoga Edit
Allie here!

Hi guys! This yoga section is amazing. Here are just some main points to possibly improve it a bit:


 * I feel like the first sentence is a little redundant as "popular" and "commonplace" imply similar things. You could probably make this sentence more concise.
 * You get back in forth between saying "yoga" or "Yoga" with a capital Y. I don't know if there is a reason for this but if not then I feel you should keep it consistent throughout the whole text.
 * You start one sentence with "In the West" and then the next sentence with "Within the West" - this repetition messes with the flow of the piece
 * You reference "Ashram" residence but you should define what this is for people who don't know - or maybe even link to the Ashram wikipedia page?

Meditation Edit
Allie again!

Ahhhh this one was so interesting as well! Here's a couple points on it:


 * You do the same thing as in yoga with switching between a capital "M" and lowercase in meditation. It would be better to stick with just one.
 * I also feel like "a Buddhist way of being religious" could be worded better. Maybe "a religious competent in Buddhism" or something along those lines.
 * I can't believe there's a whole wikipedia page for Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction - Ha I love it!!
 * "lessening illness" sounds awkward - maybe use "preventing illnesses"?
 * For "secular pieces of Western society, such as hospitals and schools" maybe say "secular institutions of Western society, such as hospitals and schools" instead?

Overall this sounds amazing!!! Feel free to don't listen to my edits if you don't agree with them - obviously you know the topic better than I do. But I love it!!!!

This looks really excellent, everyone! I see the reviewers broke up the task according to section, and they hit on the major things I noticed, too. Many pairs of eyes are better than one! MonstreDélicat (talk) 14:28, 17 November 2015 (UTC)