User talk:Enitalic/French Equatorial Africa


 * fr: Afrique-Équatoriale françaiseEnitalic (talk) 16:50, 4 May 2022 (UTC)

=Second draft review for User:Enitalic= Thanks for your work on your draft, Amber! I think this contribution is in very good shape, and I offer the suggestions below in a collaborative spirit, intended to help you refine your work before moving it to the mainspace. I'm happy to talk with you about any aspect of my comments or about your article in general.

Administration

 * "Initiated through the concept of association and indirect rule" - As someone who doesn't know anything about this, this phrase is opaque to me. I'd suggest rephrasing for new readers.
 * "However, France faced retaliation..." - Retaliation or resistance? Also, about what or in what way?
 * "Perceived as unstable colonies" - This has an unclear referent. Is it that the colonies were perceived as unstable? Or that these territories that were established as treaties were perceived as colonies, but unstable ones? Also, perceived by whom?
 * "In 1908 the land..." - What land? I assume this may be in the main article already.
 * "the AEF" - Since the order of the letters is from the French and doesn't correspond to the English name just introduced, the referent for this abbreviation needs to be specified, unless that's already done in the article lead. (Also, you might consider just leaving the abbreviation out entirely.)
 * "Colonial influence..." - Two things here. First, I don't think this sentence really goes with this paragraph. They are about different things. Second, I think it needs to be rewritten for clarity (I'm not sure that the influence can lack power, or that you want to coordinate cooperation and coercion in that way.)
 * "As of 1942..." - This paragraph is really good.
 * "All major administration positions were French appointed" - I think you might want to hyphenate French-appointed, or maybe say who exactly appointed them.
 * The last paragraph is also really good.
 * "communes de plein exercise" - There should be a comma after this.

Geography

 * I'd spell out the word eighth.
 * I think it would be good to link to these countries' Wikipedia pages.
 * "majority of Camaroon" - "the majority of Camaroon" or just "most of Camaroon"
 * "a former dry sea from which Lake Chad still remains" - I get what this means but "still remains" is slightly awkward to me here, ands I also don't know what a "dry sea" is. "Inland sea"?
 * You should decide whether you're capitalizing "River" in river names and do it consistently.
 * "The vegetation was affected by its disparities" - This is a strange phrasing. Maybe "The vegetation reflected this range" or "these differences" or "this variation"?

Additional comments

 * Note that citation numbers should come after punctuation.

Bradhoot (talk) 17:05, 25 May 2022 (UTC)