User talk:Ernajera/sandbox

Peer Review
Overall, this is a solid article that improves on the little information that previously existed on Wikipedia. You do a good job providing balanced coverage, keeping a neutral perspective, and citing academic sources. I have a few comments about how to revise and improve the article: Smscott025 (talk) 01:21, 21 November 2017 (UTC)
 * Have you thought about editing the lead section based on the new information you’ve found? For example, I noticed that the lead section cites 1911 as the beginning of Guastavino and Sabine’s collaboration, but you cite 1915 in your History section.
 * Have you thought about linking key terms to other Wikipedia articles? I think that would help in the case of a term like “form-work,” which many readers might not understand, but that you don’t want to take the time to explain.  It would also be helpful to link to pages about some of the case projects, such as the Buffalo Central Terminal.
 * Is the term “trimbel-vault” or “timbrel vault?” There’s a discrepancy in your text.
 * What do you mean by the phrase “economic difficulties” in the second paragraph of the History section? Would it be appropriate to say instead, “While initially a success, the cost to manufacture Rumford tile led the company to focus on the development of the cheaper and more durable Akoustolith.”
 * I think it would improve your narrative to take any information not specifically about the history of Akoustolith out of the History section and incorporate it into the other sections that deal more with the technical details of the material and its application. I’d also recommend combining the Composition of Akoustolith and Properties sections since both are talking about the material.  Here’s a recommended revised outline: History, Composition and Properties, Building Construction, List of Example Projects.
 * I noticed that you don’t cite all of the sources you reference at the beginning of your sandbox. Do they offer a new perspective that’s worth incorporating?
 * I know it’s not required yet for the assignment, but this is a topic where photos and diagrams would be very helpful.
 * Lastly, make sure to read through the text to edit phrasing and grammar for clarity of argument.

Instructor comments
Great contributions! Your peer reviewer has left you a lot of comments; I'd suggest focusing on:
 * Consistent use of timbrel
 * Adding wikilinks to other articles
 * Copying your uncited sources into the Further reading section

Elizabeth Linden Rahway (talk) 21:50, 26 November 2017 (UTC)