User talk:Erobi2/sandbox

Review From Dan

1) The Paragraph overall gives off a neutral feeling except for one sentence; "Children's television has not been void of mental illness references". This sentence is redundant of the one before it and I think that they can be combined. Otherwise it seems like you are demonizing the actions which is not a neutral view. 2) The Citations are formatted well and exist where they should as far as I can tell. 3)I am not sure if this is three edits because it seems like one idea. It feels like one big fact added to the article to reinforce the information that was already under the television heading. 4)It is a little difficult to read. The language is blocky feeling I would try and change some of the sentence formatting to make it flow better. One change could be what I mentioned in 1.

Review From Byron

Looking at the paragraph it's not biased I can see that you are showing a neutral argument. The citations in your sandbox are included and is formatted well. As for the edits in the sandbox they do feel substantial and I do see that you put the citations for the edits as well. AS far as language go everything there looks good and it's clear. Everything is worded well and it's easy to understand what you are saying. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Bsimm1 (talk • contribs) 17:19, 1 May 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review Response: - Thank you, Dan and Byron, for reviewing my edits and leaving suggestions on how to improve my edits. Thank you, Dan, for noticing that there seems to be a bias sentence in one of my edits. I am going to take your suggestions into consideration and change up my wording so my edit appears unbiased. To clear up some confusion I will be making two edits to the article Mental illness portrayed in media, one of my edits will be located under the television section of the article, the second edit is the fixing of a citation for the statistic section of the article. The third edit I will be making is to the article Mental illness in fiction, I will be adding two books to the literature section of the article.Erobi2 (talk) 18:12, 2 May 2018 (UTC)