User talk:Eroth1

Torbianity
Torbianity is a religion that worships Torben as their one true god. It consists of 42 rule's created by God (Torben) and the Devil (Jackie). The combined volumes of the rule's are called 'The Book of Demandment's', and they are as follows:

(Just to make it clear so wikipedia doesnt try to delete me again this is a joke Torbianty is not an actual faith. Since I'm sure u all were conviced it was. Happy now wikipedia?)

THE BOOK OF DEMANDMENTS Saintly Edition

(Dylan touch my page again and I will force feed you your penis before smashing your face in. And yes i am being sierious. That goes for anyone else.)

1.	Thou shalt do whatever god says.

2.	Thou shalt do whatever devil says unless it contradicts what god says.

3.	Thou shalt wear pants on Wednesday.

4.	God and Chuck Norris are only one awesomer than the devil.

5.	God and devil are exempt from all the rules.

6.	Thou shalt not blackmail god.

7.	Thou shalt not hurt god.

8.	Assume whatever god or devils boy/girlfriend thinks is what god or devil think and you must agree. Yes that does mean god girlfriend overrules devil.

9.	9 is the awesomest number.

10.	Thou shalt give god stuff.

11.	If you are gods girlfriend cheating on him means DEATH!!!!!!!!! (Unless it was with Chuck Norris then its justified.)

12.	Thou shalt listen to Reel Big Fish.

13.	Thou shalt pick on ranga’s, unless Tyler’s around.

14.	Thou shalt make jokes about the navy.

15.	Thou shalt not steal from god.

16.	God shalt do whatever Alice's says.

17.	Thou shalt say bow chicka bow wow at sexual references unless god is there. In that case he says it.

18.	Thou shalt make sexual references.

19.	Thou shalt want to become a Jewish Nazi.

20.	Thou shalt watch Thank Torben (god) You’re Here.

21.	Not all guys in drama are gay.

22.	God can change the rules whenever he wants.

23.	Devil can’t.

24.	If god and the devil got in a fight Chuck Norris would win.

25.	Thou shalt not wear pants on Wednesday.

26.	Monday is the first day of the week not Sunday.

27.	Chicks do not need to ask for hugs from God. I am desperate and take whatever I can get.

28.	Guys can’t have hugs from god. (Apart from devil.)

29.	Thou shalt think gods dint is sexy.

30.	Thou shalt make blonde jokes.

31.	Dommy is gods second in command

32.	God and devil can’t get in a fight because they have a blood pact.

33.	Thou shalt not be mean to god.

34.	God and devil don’t hate each other.

35.	Thou shalt be mean to Haylee Oates and Alison Roberts.

36.	Thou shalt not lie to god.

37.	Thou shalt kick devil while she is down.

38.	Thou shalt give god sexual favours if he agrees.

39.	Thou shalt make short jokes.

40.	Thou shalt not be mean to Holly.

41.	Thou shalt not ignore god.

42.	Sabrina shalt marry god… Please?

--Eroth1 (talk) 13:11, 6 February 2010 (UTC)

Big Names
There are a number of important people in Torbianity, this is a list of them:

Torben Jones

Torben is the god of the religion and the most important and powerful person in existence. He is a self hating, narcissist and believes that everyone should worship him. (Which they should, he is really awesome.) In his spare time he enjoys wasting his life playing World of Warcraft, going to venturers, camping, doing random stuff with his friends and making stupid web pages about fake religion's, that he misspells a lot of words on, which really annoys Holly.

There are many strange facts about Torben that confuse people, such as how his eye's change colour and his dint. Torben likes to creep people out by showing that most of his chest is missing. He is over 6ft tall, and this came as a surprised to people since he was a midget at the beginning of the holiday's but when he got back 'POW!' instant giant. Torben's arms have name's they are 'Cow' and 'Er' and together they COWER! People think that Torben likes people, these people are wrong. TORBEN HATES EVERYONE!!!

Tyler Forte

Tyler is one of Torben's best friend, and although he is not a member of Torbianity he is still awesome.

Tyler is also over 6ft tall has red hair is really tank and can boil water with his own rage. Tyler also plays Warcraft, (I know wtf fit people don't play wow). Tyler's arm's also have names, they are 'Des' and 'Troy' and together THEY DESTROY!!!.

Tyler is the man in Rikki's and his relationship, no matter what Rikki says. Tyler finds most of Torben's random idea's such as making a religion or a web page stupid and wishes he wouldn't do it... In fact he would probably hit me if he found out he was on it... Don't tell him... please.

Rikki Gillbert

Rikki is Torben's other best friend, Rikki is fat, lolololololololol.

Rikki would hurt Torben for saying that... don't tell him...

Now that he's thinking about it, Torben realises that his friend's hurt him for a lot of stuff...

Anyway back to Rikki. Yet again Rikki is another friend who plays Warcraft, this is not surprising though because of the previously mentioned fatness.

Rikki always feels short around Tyler and Torben because they are both tall, they find this humorous. Torben thinks Rikki will hurt him a lot for writing all this, and so should not tell him about the web page either. (Would just like make a note that Rikki is now tank and could probably beat god up.) —Preceding unsigned comment added by 117.53.139.204 (talk) 13:18, 22 August 2010 (UTC)

Holly Cropper

Holly is an annoying foreign blonde terrorist.

This opinion was educated based on that she was born in England, and so the only explanation for people not from here being here is that they want to kill us. Says the guy with an American dad and Canadian mum.

Torben agreed to protect Holly at some point in time and has regretted doing that ever since, because now a lot of people hurt Holly just to watch Torben do stupid things that put him in a great deal of pain in an attempt to protect her.

Holly is the first person on the list besides Torben who is actually a member of Torbianity, she also converted the first member of the faith who did not require seeing the divine splendour of Torben, her name is Lauren Torben has now met her thinks that she is a rather strange person.

Torben hates Holly more than most people because she annoys the hell out of him.

Jackie Smith

Jackie is the Devil in Torbianity, she is incredibly annoying and makes Torben want to END HER LIFE! a lot.

Jackie thinks that she has power in Torbianity when i truth she doesn't and she will be annoyed by me writing that. Jackie has long nail which she like to put in Torben's arm's, leg's, head and neck a lot,

Both God and devil are annoyed by people's belief that they may be participating in things of a non G rated nature together. These are all lie's and if anyone tell them they fail at all aspects of life forever, and can never achieve anything ever again and should kill themselves. If you find one of these people who have not done the only just course of action, you should exterminate with extreme predjudice, although they may not realise it its really what they want.

Isobel Weckmann

Izzy is even more annoying than Jackie, and will burn in hell on the day of judgement.

She also has the same name as a character on twilight and so this means that even if she wasn't annoying she would still be sent to the flaming abyss. Which makes Torben happy :).

Izzy is also Torben's deb partner, which might confuse people because of her terrible name, the reason for this is because he did not know what her name was till a month after he said he would go with her. Torben believes he should not need to learn the names of such lesser beings. Which he shouldn't because he is so awesome.

Like Jackie Izzy enjoys seeing Torben leak red stuff, (which most defiantly is not blood because he is way to awesome to bleed), by making her nails get on the other side of his skin.

Sabrina Salvatore

Sab is Torben's wife as decided by Izzy, (no they did not get a say in this). Sab is Italian so Torben reminds her of this regularly since she is a freak.

A lot of people think Torben is trying to get with Sab, Torben is annoyed by this and ask that these people should stop living.

Sab makes Torben draw a wedding ring on every day otherwise shes threatens to divorce him, Torben for some reason doesn't want this(cause hes been pussy whipped LOL), he is unsure why. Sab has an ex who Torben does not like because he is a hippy nerd, he will also burn in the flaming abyss. LOL!

Sab has an anooying affect to alway make Torben happy, since he does not like being happy and always wants to be bitter and angery he finds this annoying and wishes she would stop doing this.

Sab is one of Torbens friends who Tyler actually approves of this is incredibly uncommon making Sab a very special person, good for Sab!

Scott Elliot

Scott is also known as Cyke because he is psychic, which he is but isn't, shut up it makes sense to Torben.

Cyke is Torben's oldest friends that he has known him since Prep and is the only person Torben deamed worthy enough to stay in contact from his old home.

Cyke wrote a story in which he made Torben a charature in, Torben does not go four word's in this story without saying awesome. To be fair he does only get like five lines though so it's not that hard.

Cyke has another friend who's name is irrelevent since Torben just calls him Knife Victim, Knife Victim did make his wikipedia page before Torben did and he said he would put Torben on it but he never did, so Torben decided to make his own one that is like a thousand times awesomer simply because anything that Torben does is better than anyone else, this is that page.

Jenifer

Jenifer is the only person on Warcraft that he could be bothered staying in contact with after his atempt to quit the game, (this failed because he has no life). Torben felt like he had not payed much atention to her for the first year and a half and had no idea about:

What her name was?

Where she lives?

How old she was?

What she did for a living?

Torben realised that all he knew about her was that she had a son and he only knew that because he kept asking for help with stuff. So Torben has now decided to pay more atention to Jen. Now he now her name, feels this is a good start, isn't Torben such a nice guy. Of corse he is and you should give him anything he wants. But then the Demandment's say you should do that anyway.

Alex Corrigan

Cogs is Torben's second oldest friend and he is a really awesome guy. He has help any of Torben's stupid idea's anyway he can without bothering Torben with irrelevent questions like, 'you realise you could get killed doing that?'. Torben feels like he owes Cogs a lot, (And he is not going to pay him back Torben is far to cheap for that).

Cogs is yet another of Torben's friends who plays Warcraft, and will also be joining him in New Zealand. Cogs has a great ability to be able to follow Torben's train of though even though half the time Torben can't. This is useful since he can join Torben in jokes such as the Dafodil one. He is also a machinima addict and can help Torben out when he can remember a quote properly.

Orange

Torben first met Orange on a venturer camp where they got married, this irretaited Torben's girlfriend, and wife, for some unknown reason, however they were divorced twenty minutes later.

Orange so far has been able to get a passing score on Torbens how well do u know me quiz. this is a higher score than his deb partener, or holly who he is normally talking to till like three in the morning. Considering Torben has only seen him on three dferent camps Torben is disepointed in Holly and Izzy. ORANGES INPUT. we were married for 20 minutes.

If you have not been able to tell Orange really likes the colour orange, this obsession has made many humerous stories.

Norton West

Torben has known Norten for several years, but only spoke 2 him really for the first time on New Zeland Venture.

He always tries to call God by his real name but he does it in a Russian accent, he doesn't seem to understand Scandinavia and the USSR are not the same place.

Norten is missing several of his finger's and tell a really cool story involving a crocidile attack about how he lost it.

Norten Torben and another 11 guys once spent a night in a room made for 8 people... This was a rather awkward ocssion until Bernad began telling storie's, after that it just became hillarious.

Rowan

Rowan is a kiwi friend of Torben's, he is epic! He has a lot of knive's, machette's, sword's, and crossbow's, which for obvious reasons is awesome!

Rowan can do some rather stupid thinks since he doesn't think things through, such as sitting in macca's with a balaclava on and playing with a machette.

Torben was rather upset when he found out Rowan had no internet, and he has basicly lost contact with him, poor torben.

Stephanie Glasgow

Steph is another of god's kiwi friends, he refers to her as his favorite spartan midget kiwi ranga.

He met her on venture when he saw her in the river and noticing her hair colour pointed out that shes is now going to go baled, this angered Steph... hehehe... And god is not scared this time because shes to far away to hurt him, HA!

During Venture Steph convinced God to hold her head for her, he, agreed to do this, but only much baterering, the decided price was one twig an hour, it hurt Torben to be so crul as to take this high payment, but it was 4 the greater good... Torben getting 'stuff'.

Lauren McCrorey

Lauren is Torben's friend who was mentioned under holly's entrey.

Lauren is rather little and god has lot of fun reminding her of this.

Lauren believes that god is actually an anime called Tamikai, he finds this odd but uses it to his advantage so he can tickle her and make her go 'squeeee!" he laugths at this.

As the first member of Torbianity eho did not need to see the amazing splendour of the divine awesomness of god, she should be given extra respect above average members.

When god first heard about Lauren he asked what she looked like and it remimded him of Tyler's ex, this did not go down well with Torben and so there was a peiriod of time where he refused to meet her.

Lauren has decided Torben is what she calles 'poffin', Torben does not really understand what this is, all he knows is that he doesnt like it! However it appears everything he does, of doesn't do is 'poffin'.

—Preceding unsigned comment added by 210.80.182.227 (talk) 04:31, 14 April 2010 (UTC) --Eroth1 (talk) 13:08, 6 February 2010 (UTC)

Quotes
Just when you thought it wasn't a complet rip off Harry's page.

Which if anyone is interested you can find on user:thethief —Preceding unsigned comment added by 117.53.139.204 (talk) 05:55, 20 December 2009 (UTC)

When I say I give up it just means I'm gunna try again. - Aaron Barett

You killed Church you teamkilling f***tard! - Tucker

Tell him to bite his phone battery so it will live forever. - Dylan Alberts

WOW! He has a small penis! - God (Torben)

HELP! I'm stuck in a phone both with 11 people! - Condom

I know your hugry, but can you at least ask before you start trying to sell me into prostiution. - God (Torben)

Just read that last year 5,139,407 people got married. now i dont want to start any trouble, but shouldnt that be an even number? - Robert Colgrave

I keep my husband's ball's in a jar on my bedside table. - Lucky

You cannot control me! You cannot contain me! And you shall know this as you die! - John Ironicus

I love APC's so crunchy! - Mattias Nilsson

Phil, be a team player, die for me! - Dave

Sideburn's are awesome. - Sophie (That's right I'm not the only one who thinks so!)

OMFG... Torben... you're wearing a different shirt! - Gen

Why are you just walking...

Because it look's awesome.

Can't argue with that logic. - Cyke, God (Torben)

But at night... We roam the street's... Handing out... DAFODILS! - Cogs and God(Torben)

Torba... Torber... Torbi... God damn it! That's it your name is now Trojan. - Sophie

Hi my name's God.

Oh really mines fortytwo. - God(Torben)and Jen Watler

ORANGE SHOES! - Orange

I may be a cold heartless B****! But at least I'm good at it! - A shirt

Bird's arn't animals. - Sophie

I was just about to complement myself on how sweet i am! - Nice

Wow its Torben! I love you :)

I love me to. - Catlin Fisher, God(Torben)

Edward Cullen: Doesn't bite people, lives in the woods, and sparkles. Lets face it he's not a vampier, he's a fairy. - A Demotivational poster

OMG!! Is that a real live dead thing! - Shalee

I deserve a girl who likes me for who i am... pretending to be... - Arj Barker

Light a man a fire and you warm him for a day. Light a man on fire and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life. - Terry Pratchet

In the begining there was nothing... And then it exploded! - Terry Pratchet

I'm awesome! - Barny Stinsen

The mechanical babes are melting in the snow. - Aaron Barett

You insist on finding the deepest part of quicksand, and diving head first into it! - Queen of the elves

I AM EDWARD CULLEN I SHALL READ THEIR MINDS! - God (Torben) as he was getting durg searched, this made them think he was high and they got a cop in... god regrets doing this.

You can turn an orange into a bong! Torbs were sooo doing it! - Morgan while the cop was still in front of us, also no we had no intention of using it.

I think my ear's are melting... - Rowan

Pre tent warming party, tent warming party, post tent warming party. - Tom explaining we were justified in having 10 people in a two man tent at 3:00am three nights in a row.

Dude you just got hit by a car!

I know how cool is it! - God (Torben), Morgan

YES! Were back!

Thats right Torben we toke two hours on a twenty minute trip, you should be proud. - Torben and buzsko

Well see you in a few days.

What! Why?!

Because there seperating everyone for a while.

Well now it really is a SAD camp. - God (Torben) and maddy

So you turned 18 on venture?

Yes and I'm annoyed.

You feel you have the right to be wasted dont you?

Yes, it's not fair. - God (Torben) Shannon

The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I select. - Terry Pratchet

I don't have pet peeve's. I have major psychotic hatred!!! - A comedian who I can't remeber the name off.

It wasn't blood in general he couldn't stand the sight of, it was just his blood in particular that was so upsetting. - Terry Pratchet

--Eroth1 (talk) 13:10, 6 February 2010 (UTC)

Last Will
Torben's friend's have already started claiming his stuff after he dies.

He does not quite think this is a good thing... But he goes with it anyway.

So Torbens last will and request's are as follows:

Jackie gets Anarchy.

The Mirrior Vest goes to Sab.

Card Hat shall go to Izzy.

Sab shall recive my left ring finger.

Any orange items I own that I have not mentioned here go to Orange.

Holly get's my sword collection.

I wish to have my body hung up out side a kindergarden.

Condom shall get my zippo.

Nevill shall get the plether jacket.

Maddy will get my 2008 student card.

Callum has claimed my Great Coat.

Sammy J has called my penis, sorry guys.

Alice wants my dignity.

(If anyone is wishing to make a claim on one of his possesions then ask him about it.)

--[[User
 * Eroth1|Eroth1]] (talk) 13:16, 6 February 2010 (UTC)

Force of Awesomness
- This is Torben's Force of pure awesomness that is totaly unbeatable: - 1.Torben - 2.Chuck Norris - 3.Mr.T - 4.Gotrek - 5.Felix - 6.Sataron - 7.Ct.Tagen - 8.Kai - 9.Captain Jack Sparrow - 10.Moist Von Lipwig - 11.Snorri - 12.Arj Barker - 13.The Lexx - 14.Rami - 15.Harper - 16.Matt Wong - 17.Caboose - 18.Tucker - 19.Grif - 20.Blazer - 21.Dommy - 22.Death - 23.Vanhelsing - 24.Borimir (from the book) - 25.Surfang - 26.Yimo - 27.Bugman - 28.Guy - 29.Ellers - 30.Alexsis - 31.The overlord - 32.Nero - 33.Spartan 117 - 34.Grombrindal - 35.The Balrog - 36.Trogdor - 37.Otto Shriek - 38.Deathwing - 39.Litch King - 40.The Joker - 41.Psyclopse - 42.Danta - 43.The Black Knight - 44.Tex - 45.Prince Of Persia - 46.Mattias Nilsson - 47.Creeper - 48.Grey Seer Thanquol - 49.Malakai Makaisson - 50.Wolverine - 51.Birin - 51.Shummer - 52.Thurissain - 53.Tirion - 54.The Bard - 55.Awesomatron - 56.Gokou - 57.Iron Man - 58.Obi-wan - 59.Rocetmal - 60.Dynamo - 61.Pro - 62.Nice - 63.Leroy Jenkins - 64.Sarg - 65.Church - 66.Dr.Cox - 67.Janitor - 68.Alkil - 69.Zearie - 70.Tanya - 71.Rowra - 72.Xena - 73.The Tarrasque - 74.Chaos Marine Hours - 75.Thor - 76.Khar - 77.Tharthatar - 78.Jaina - 79.Kelgar - 80.Sasilia - 81.Zagsruk - 82.Grom Hellscrem - 83.Dizzert - 84.Kiam Argonar - 85.Abe - 86.Mario - 87.Hemet Nesinwary - 88.Vhaidra - 89.Sophie (because she likes sideburns) - 90.Monk - 91.Pac Mam - 92.Norm Petterson - 93.Jhon Dorian - 94.Ulrik Von Liktestien - 95.Tulio - 96.Migule - 97.Barny Stinstien - 98.Mograine - 99.King Greymane - 100.Denny Crain - (If Torben ever has a girlfriend she make a guest apperarance on this list) - The day of judjment is when Torben will amass this army and vaquish the world of all non-believers, it will be epic. But first he must find a way to hold that much awesome in one place. --Eroth1 (talk) 13:17, 6 February 2010 (UTC)

==

Divine Lords
There a number of divine lords in Torbanity, they are as follow's:

God (Torben Jones)

Devil (Jackie Smith)

True discover of the Rosetta Stone (Nathan Brown)

Divine Lord of guitars (Kyle Charleston)

Other not as divinly awesome god (Jepdaddy)

The leader of the Smiley Warriors (holly Cropper)

Some girl who decided she was one but since she has a hillarious last name god has dicided she is worthy (Savanna Cox)

Self proclaimed biggest follower (Sarah White)

--Eroth1 (talk) 13:31, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Celestial Guidelines
These are other rules which are less major as the demandmeants but still he feels are important enough to be mentioned:

--Eroth1 (talk) 11:55, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Trench Coats are sexy.
 * Jhon Morrisons name is Jenifer.
 * Sideburns are cool.
 * Rangers go bald if the eneter water.
 * If you displease god you are put on the 'To Smite List'.
 * Holly is FAT!!!
 * God is not trying to get with every girl he talks to on a regular basis.
 * Smurfs are epic!
 * William King is the greatest writer in the world.
 * There is no unit of mesurment smaller than a Lauren.
 * The cake is a lie!!!
 * Most people are cooler without names.
 * Comunist Hippy Neards are evil and out to destroy us.
 * Pirate's are cooler than ninjas.
 * However cowboy's have Chuck Norris.
 * God does not hate all musicals just 90% of them.
 * If you piss god off he will come fater you with a really big hammer.
 * 'Beer' by Reel Big Fish is the anthem of torbianity. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 117.53.139.204 (talk) 12:23, 14 September 2010 (UTC)