User talk:Es3840j/theo chocolate

The sentences: "Over the past decade, Theo Chocolate faced many challenges when trying to source good quality cocoa beans and establish a marketing strategy. Theo Chocolate recognizes the injustices, the social and economic degradation that many farmers are faced with in the cacao industry and want their company to provide fair pay and work for those farming their organic beans [2]" might want to be added to another subtopic. They do not seem like the introduction.

Under the Subtopic History the line: "After finding and interested investor is Seattle, Washington.." The "and" should be replaced with "an".

Under the Subtopic Process the line: "After reaching their correct sweetness". Their should be replaced with its.

Under the Subtopic Process the line: "The next step in the process is milling where the broken bits go through a series of milling that separates cocoa butter from cocoa solids." is a run-on sentence. Try changing it to: "The next step in the process is called milling. This is where the broken bits go through a series of milling that separates cocoa butter from cocoa solids."

Under the Subtopic Process the line: "Adding sugar and non-alcoholic cocoa liquor is added to the chocolate mixture.." is repetitive. Take out the first "Adding" to make it read, "Sugar and non-alcoholic cocoa liquor is added to the chocolate mixture.."

Most of the words under the Subtopic Products can be linked to other pages. There are also a lot of words in the intro and throughout the article that still need to be linked. For example: Washington, West Africa, Hawaii etc.

Rebekah3840J (talk) 16:34, 1 November 2012 (UTC)