User talk:Escadar Alemayehu/Postpartum Depression

You all added some great information! I had some recommendations for the societal and cultural factor section that centered around making the connection to PPD clearer, and not generalizing. I also noticed some of the new sources are from 2006, so I would try to see if you could find anything more recent for those! Like Amy, I also had a hard time distinguishing between old and new so if any of the comments are about the way the article currently is, feel free to ignore. A full rundown of my recommendations is on the peer review page. Overall, great job. --Cnoellec49 (talk) 00:51, 9 April 2021 (UTC)

The information you all found is excellent, and I think you really captured the neutral voice that wikipedia wants. The only thing I can even think to offer, and this is minor so take it with a grain of salt, is to perhaps add more subheadings to create sections of information so the wiki can be even more clear. Under risk factors, perhaps making a small heading for each different factor that you discuss might help those trying to quickly access information. Everything y'all have done is great!--TeakHo (talk) 21:41, 7 April 2021 (UTC)

I thought your edits were great and added some important information to the page! Similar to Teak's suggestion, I think the first part would benefit from including subsections. You could maybe separate the risk factors by physical and social causes. One other suggestion would be to maybe combine the stigma section where you mention stigma under culture or with the Yates case since that most likely contributed to increased stigma. Otherwise, I thought you did a great job and it was super informative!Kmg121 (talk) 20:53, 14 April 2021 (UTC)

Peer Review
Hey guys! Overall I think you all did a great job at finding reliable and suitable sources and will contribute a meaningful and significant amount of new content to the Wiki article. I noticed some of the content is old, but since it was hard for me to distinguish old from new, my comments will address everything on the page and will hopefully help to improve the overall quality of the article. I also wasn't able to tease out where and how you guys used the new references since it wasn't added into the paragraphs yet, so I won't be able to comment on that.

In general, be mindful of grammar--I noticed a couple throughout and it makes reading and comprehending the content more difficult. There are also some areas that are a bit wordy and can be rephrased in a more clear and concise way. Furthermore, in my opinion, it's best to stay consistent in how you reference the issue at hand: PPD or postpartum depression or post-partum depression or PPDS. Maybe just pick 1 or 2?

Causes/Risk Factors section: What is DHA, thyroiditis, the HPA axis? I think the general audience wouldn't necessarily know abbreviations and medical terms like that, so it may be best to use more simply terms and/or link their corresponding Wiki articles. I'm also still a bit confused about breastfeeding and PDD: it's listed as a risk factor, but then below it says the relationship is unclear. I think more explanation would be helpful here. Lastly, I do think the shorter paragraphs are easier to read; however, I think some more structure and transitions would help streamline it. Can they be presented in a way that flows better?

Society and Culture section: There were just some phrases here that I think could be reworded to improve clarity, and I also think would just match the overall voice of the article better. For instance: "blown by the wind" and “encourage a higher profile for PPD amongst the health professional community.”

Europe section: I think this section could be more specific; rather than letting us know there are differences in symptoms and treatment, tell us what those differences are.

Stigma section: For the beginning, I don't think it's necessary to explain what the definition is; it's probably easier to just link it to the Wiki page and jump straight into the stigma of PPD. I also feel like this section could benefit from more sources, especially since the current one seems like a one-off study. Lastly, I think one of the study's findings didn't completely match what was reported here: "Familiarity with PPD was associated with perceived PPD stigma in others but not personal PPD stigma" (this was taken straight from the abstract). The language here overall was a bit technical, and perhaps it would help with delivery of the information to reword it in more simple terms.

I know these suggestions are all a bit nit-picky, but these were just some things that stuck out when I read it. Again, you guys did a fantastic job. Definitely let me know if you want me to elaborate on any of these comments or take a look at anything else! --Amyzhou314 (talk) 07:56, 8 April 2021 (UTC)

Hey guys! I thought the content you all wrote about was really interesting. One thing I noticed was that some of your sentences were grammatically incorrect. I'd recommend reading over your sections on Canada, South America, and and Africa. When discussing PPD in Africa, I think it could be interesting to have a few sentences about how different African countries define depression as it differs cross-culturally. I know you cover cultural differences in the next section, but I think if you tie it together to the paragraph on Africa it'll be stronger! I love the example with Andrea Yates in your media section, however I think you could expand and use another example as well to show similarities and connections between mothers experiencing PPD. Would be especially interesting if the example was of a woman from a different country. Sophianunn (talk) 13:00, 13 April 2021 (UTC)Sophianunn

PROF FEEDBACK
Hi THANKS ALL!!! --Liliput000 (talk) 14:38, 23 April 2021 (UTC)
 * the first 2 epidemiology paragraphs now have adequate/proper citations, not anywhere else yet... let me know if there are challenges getting this done and we can set up a meeting! **NOTE a couple of the citations have a date red flag -- go in and add "01" for day; it doesn't like just month and year**
 * citations are of utmost importance, so, do address this
 * "Risks" section -- great job cleaning this section up!! I wonder if there's a way to add subheadings? At least for bio/psychosocia?
 * "Risks" section -- I know you may not have focused on this paragraph, so you can skip if you have too much on your plate: "Certain biological risk factors include hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal dysregulation, inflammatory processes, and genetic vulnerabilities." Can you list what some of these are? Are they on the above list? ; "these diseases" and "these factors" in this paragraph should be edited to be more precise. There's a lot going on in this very short paragraph (and lots of diseases and factors in particular) so specificity is important); last sentence -- can it be integrated somewhere above, in "bio"?
 * "Epidemiology" -- don't forget to edit the heading styles in the original article so that it's not just "bold" and so it creates a table of contents; I wonder if case studies were used? I noticed references to studies, but unsure if the source is still a systematic review...
 * "Epidemiology/Canada" -- these opening sentences are a bit confusing "Since Canada has one of the largest refugee resettlement in the world with an equal percentage of women to men. This means that Canada has a disproportionate percentage of women that develop post-partum depression since there is an increased risk among the refugee population" -- can you revise/we can discuss ?; next sentence, change "knowing" to "being aware of it"... (suggested); sentence after that doesn't indicate who or what did the research you cite "x found...", and I think you're missing the "%" symbol in a couple places? -- overall that sentence needs proofreading; next sentence, change "after" to "afterward"; I have a few more edits on this paragraph so maybe a quick meeting about it?
 * "Epidemiology/South America" -- not sure if by "South Africa" you mean "South America" in one of your sentences early in the paragraph; make sure to proofread, "south America" should be "South America" later in the para, "brazil --> Brazil"
 * "Epidemiology/Asia" -- 3rd sentence, from "More" can be dropped from the start of the sentence; is the study cited in paragraph 1 about migrant Asian women? it's not totally clear; 3rd sentence starting with "more" perhaps change to "in addition" as this is a bit clearer; next sentence "stand --> be" just again to simplify and clarify language
 * "Epidemiology/Europe" -- also proof this paragraph according to some of my earlier feedback. As well, it's not actually clear if there is less prevalence of PPD in Europe from your writing, but it seems to imply this. Clarify?