User talk:Escadar Alemayehu/Postpartum Depression/Siena1018 Peer Review

Hi all! This is a great article. Please see my notes below:

Esci: I suggest linking to other Wiki articles (if there are) for the sentence, "Certain biological risk factors include hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal dysregulation, inflammatory processes, and genetic vulnerabilities," in the Risks and Causes section. I recommend adding citations through the Cite feature in the Sandbox so you don't forget to cite your source every time it's used, otherwise it might get struck down by Wikipedia. If you paste the DOI into the Cite feature Wiki will automatically generate a citation for you which is super neat.

In the Africa section, I think it would read better if the comma were before the and in "and, 19.9% for participants in Ethiopia according to studies carried out in these countries among postpartum mothers between the ages of 17-49." While I completely agree with the sentiment of the sentence "This demonstrates the gravity of this problem in Africa, and the need for postpartum depression to be taken seriously as a public health concern in the continent," I worry that Wikipedia might remove it because it's argumentative. Wikipedia editors are really strict about this sort of thing in my experience which is annoying, especially in this case when what you're saying is absolutely true. For the following sentences, I think you meant for them to be one sentence and placed a period where you meant to place a comma (after "among postpartum mothers"): "Some recommendations to combat postpartum depression in Africa include considering postpartum depression as a public health problem that is neglected among postpartum mothers. Investing in research to assess the actual prevalence of postpartum depression, and encourage early screening, diagnosis and treatment of postpartum depression as an essential aspect of maternal care throughout Africa." I also think "encouraging early screening" would be more grammatically correct but I'm not certain.

I have no notes on the Society and Culture section – your edits look great!

Lauren: In the Canada section, I think you meant to write that "Canada is one of the largest refugee settlements" in the world – not settlement. I suggest rewriting "This means that Canada" as "Therefore, Canada." I think the fourth sentence is missing a couple words at the beginning, e.g. "The study also found ..." Additionally, did you meant to write 8.46% or maybe 8.46 out of 10 women? I think adding "to postpartum depression" after "The main factors that were found to contribute" in the next sentence would be helpful too and you should take out "were all found to be factors" at the end of this sentence since you started the sentence by explaining that you were about to list factors. I suggest reprhasig the next sentence to just "Canada has a high percentage of of immigrant and indigenous women which creates a specific cultural demographic localized to the country." In the next sentence, take out "In this study" and in the sentence after that, replace "This study found" with "studies have shown" as it is not evident to which study you are referring. Also in the second-to-last sentence, I suggest rephrasing "risk factors such as low education, low income cut off, taking antidepressants, and low social support are all factors that contribute to the higher percentage of these population in developing PPDS" to "risk factors such as low education, low income cut off, taking antidepressants, and low social support all contribute to a percentage of PPD in these populations." I suggest rephrasing the last sentence to "Specifically, indigenous mothers had more risk factors than immigrant mothers, with non-indigenous Canadian women being closer to the overall population."

Your first sentence in the South America section is unclear – maybe rephrase to "A main issue surrounding PPD in South America is the lack of research conducted on the condition in the region. Additionally, studies developed in Western economically developed countries demonstrate a lack of reported prevalence of PPD in South America." I think that's what you were trying to get at but I'm unsure. The section as a whole is a little hard to understand. If I may, I suggest reprhasing as follows:

A main issue surrounding PPD in South America is the lack of research conducted on the condition in the region. Additionally, studies developed in Western economically developed countries demonstrate a lack of reported prevalence of PPD in South America. Studies have found that 60% of the population suffers from PPD in countries such as Brazil, Guyana, Costa Rica, and Chile [note: I removed Italy and South Africa because they are not located in South America]. An itemized research analysis found the mean prevalence of PPD to be 10-15% in x region/country [note: it is unclear from the original if this sentence refers to any region/country in particular] but explicitly stated that cultural factors such as perception of mental health and stigma could potentially prevent accurate reporting [note: is this self-reporting? if so, state that explicitly] (5). Brazil (42%), Chile (4.6-48%)[note: is this meant to say 46-48%?], Guyana and Colombia (57%), and Venezuela (22%) all have high rates of PPD compared to the global average (6). In most of these countries PPD is not considered a serious condition for women and therefore there is an absence of support programs for prevention and treatment in health systems. Specifically, in Brazil PPD is identified through the family environment whereas in Chile PPD manifests itself through suicidal ideation and emotional instability. In both cases most women feel regret and refuse to take care of the child showing that this illness is serious for both the mother and child. (6)

I hope you don't take offense to me providing so many edits and of course it's up to you to accept/reject them!

Claire:

I think for the start of the fourth sentence you meant to write "Moreover" rather than just "More." Are there wiki pages for "minor depressive symptomatology" and "major depressive symptomatology"? If so, I suggest linking to them when you mention thm in the last sentence of the first paragraph of the Asia section.

There is no need for an indent before the first sentence of the second paragraph of the Asia section; Wiki articles don't typically have indents. For the second sentence, just a small typo – replace "culture" with "cultures." I see that you haven't added in your citations yet – just make sure when you do that your sources back up every claim you make, especially the ones about stigma in Asian cultures. For the fifth sentence, I suggest replacing "in" with "with" in the phrase "dissatisfaction in infant’s gender." For the sixth sentence, I suggest replacing "married couples are expected by the family" with "families expect married couples" or "married couples are expected by their families", but I don't think this replacement is necessary, especially if it's more common to refer to the families of married couples as family (singular) in the Asian context. The last sentence is a bit unclear, I suggest rephrasing to "Scholars have shown that there is a correlation between a decreasing risk of PPD and the availability of education and treatment programs in European and Australian societies, however there is an absence of such programs in Asian and South American societies, which indicates that PPD is not treated as seriously as a health concern in those regions." You may even need to remove "which indicates that PPD is not treated as seriously as a health concern in those regions" entirely because this is argumentative and Wikipedia is very strict about making claims vs. stating facts. Even if your claim is based in fact, they still might reject it.

For the third sentence in the Europe section, I think you're missing a word or two. I suggest rephrasing to "For example, European social policies differ from country-to-country and contrary to the USA, all European countries provide some form of paid universal maternity leave and free health care." I think the last sentence is meant to start with "Moreover" rather than just "more" and you seem to be missing a period at the end.

For the stigma section, I suggest listing out the elements of stigma to really make them pop and to make it easier to read, e.g.:

When stigma occurs, a person is labelled by their illness and viewed as part of a stereotyped group. There are three main elements of stigmas:

1. Problems of knowledge (ignorance or misinformation) 2. Problems of attitudes (prejudice) 3. Problems of behavior (discrimination)

Specifically regarding PPD, it is often left untreated as women frequently report feeling ashamed about seeking help and are concerned about being labeled as a “bad mother” if they acknowledge that they are experiencing depression...

This certainly isn't necessary but I thought I'd suggest it just in case you like the idea. I have no other suggestions for this section! One thing to note is that since no citations are placed directly into the section, just be careful to make sure that you have a source to back up each claim you make because if there are any claims made without sources, Wiki will take out that content. Also make sure that the claims you make are explicitly referenced/stated in the sources you cite.

Let me know if y'all have any questions! My netid is srh108 if you want to reach out, I can provide my phone number over email if you'd prefer texting over email.

Siena1018 (talk) 04:21, 9 April 2021 (UTC)