User talk:Ewb432/Narcissism

These look like good sources to me. I'm sure you already have ideas of where you'll be putting them, but I believe the first bit of information would fit nicely under the Heritability section, and the second citation seems as though it could even have its own category under Characteristics. Maybe it could be titled "Social Environments?" You mention genetics within that piece of information as well, but I don't think it would fit with the other. You probably have other things in mind, I'm sure those will work too. However, when this information is added, it should definitely have a bit more substance in terms of word count. That was likely the plan, but it is an important thing to keep in mind nonetheless. I would go into a bit more depth when explaining the sources, and perhaps give examples from them if possible. Other than that, it looks like a solid start. Ajwtgm (talk) 01:45, 25 March 2022 (UTC)

I'm going to go ahead and organize this into a bulleted list for organization Be bold my friends, and keep it up, I'll be waiting to read this when it gets published. --Mld4p (talk) 02:19, 28 March 2022 (UTC)
 * While I do agree with the previous reviewer on your use of the sources, the draft does feel relatively bare-bones. I'd love to see what it looks like in its more integrated form. My best advice is to try reading the draft aloud, that seems to help me when writing out longer pieces.
 * On your first section you make the assertion that "... genetics certainly play a role ...", please make sure to source that. That style of writing, using "while..." in between commas as I'm demonstrating, can lead to making claims that you'll have to back up.
 * For your second section, I'd cut the first sentence and meld it into the second. Fragments make it difficult for the reader to process the information, but otherwise another good source.
 * While I do understand that Narcissism isn't "solely genetic" from context clues in the first section, it seems inconsistent. You first assured the reader in the first section that genetics does play a role and then in the second you say that genetics isn't as much of a role as thought? While consistent in message it seems, from my somewhat biased perspective, to be inconsistent in tone. I'd recommend making sure each effect on Narcissism gets its own section, or, failing that, its own paragraph.
 * Overall, again, read the draft out loud. It seriously saved my gluteus maximus from many mistakes in writing. It also helped put my perspective outside that of the author. That way I can see things from the audience perspective and, with luck, see what the world would see and nitpick at.