User talk:Eye101/sandbox

Comments for The International Pacific Salmon Fisheries Commission (IPSFC) section:

Hey Isaac, Ggreat job with your entry! I came up with a couple of suggestions for each paragraph – you don’t have to follow them but I thought I might bring them up for you to consider. For paragraph one, the last sentence I think “their mandate” should be “its mandate”? or if you are talking about IPSFC I would clarify that. Question for your second paragraph you use Hells Gate without apostrophe, I think you should put the apostrophe there as we need to strive for consistency. Also I am quite unclear about the fist sentence the part “from which data could be collected for analysis” makes the sentence a bit confusing. I would suggest revising it: “tagged fish at various upstream locations in order to collect data for the analysis” unless you really want to specify that the research was conducted in only the upstream locations. Also the last sentence of this paragraph is ambiguous, I would make it clearer what you mean by the “place increased emphasis” – maybe you want to say “Thompson decided to focus commission’s efforts on analyzing the Hell’s gate”? – just a suggestion. Great paragraph, I have just one comment – in brackets I think “these” should be replaced by “this”? Also when you talk about Thompson you mention this “set his analysis of Hells Gate in a wide historical context” but I am a bit unclear what did you mean by that? Overall Great job :) --AnastasiaU. (talk) 05:55, 18 March 2012 (UTC)