User talk:Eyelet16/sandbox

Overall, this article was very informative and to the point. I found your main strengths were in your ability to simplify your points in order to make it understandable to the reader. That being said, I feel in some sections, you could have elaborated a bit more. I found the areas you struggled most with were grammar and hyperlinking.

I went through the article and corrected the punctuation errors. Majorly, I found you had some difficulties with comma placement.

For hyperlinking, I found a lot of words that I feel could have used a hyperlink to make it a little more understandable. I recommend considering hyperlinking the following words: psychology, electrical engineering, philosophy, computer science, Rutgers University, New Brunswick, visual indexes, scientific articles, and proceedings. Also, I noticed the hyperlinks for some words were not working. Under research, the hyperlinks should be removed for visual attention, cognitive computation, and mental imagery.

For the section on Zenon Pylyshyn, overall I found it to be very straightforward. I would suggest maybe thinking about putting this section before your table of contents or making a main summary to put for this section. Also, for the sentence: "From the University of Saskatchewan, he obtained a M.Sc. (1961) in the Control Systems Electrical Engineering department and received his Ph.D. (1963) in Experimental Psychology with his research focused on the application of information theory to human short-term memory studies", you should consider breaking this into two sentences. I thought the sidebar in this section was great! Very helpful for people who just want to do a quick glance and grasp the main concepts.

For the academic career section, I felt the use of colour was interesting -- a great way to break it down into sections. One suggestion I have is that you elaborate on what the Centre for Cognitive Science is. I feel like it could have helped readers understand what you were talking about.

For the section on "1991-Present", you should elaborate on what Pylysyn's duties are as part of the Board of Governors. Also, for the sentence "At this time, he turned to full-time research but remains a professor emeritus of Psychology and on the Board of Governors.", you should break this up. You should have one sentence regarding his full time research and the other regarding his position present day.

For the section on "Research", I really liked the way you simplified the three major findings into bullet points.

Under the "Awards, Honours, and Fellowships" section, I really liked the use of the table in this section -- it was a great way to organize the data. I think it would be helpful to elaborate on what "Distinguished Contributions to Psychology as a Science" is. This was a little confusing to comprehend.

Lastly under "Thesis Supervision", you wrote "Over the years, Pylyshyn has served as a thesis supervisor for a total of forty-six". Forty-six what? You should elaborate on this section also. All in all, I thought this article was very well organized. References looked good. Very good rendition of a biography on Wikipedia. Great job!

Sransom2 (talk) 18:55, 31 March 2013 (UTC)sransom2

Reviewer #2 (Kms91)
This is a major improvement from the current Zenon Pylyshyn page!

I agree with Reviewer #1 that the article's main strength was in the simplification of concepts to allow any reader to understand these concepts. Like Reviewer #1, I also made a few grammatical changes (listed below), but I didn't focus on this so there are likely still some minor changes to be made. I think that the list of additional hyperlinks suggested by Reviewer #1 is quite reasonable.

The only point on which I disagree with Reviewer #1 is the removal of the "cognitive computation" and "mental imagery" hyperlinks, which I propose be changed rather than removed (see suggestions). The "visual attention" certainly could be removed, but keeping it could serve as a call for creation of a potentially useful page.

=Strengths=
 * Great intro! When I look up a researcher biography, the three main things I look for in the intro are the era/time, degrees/location, and primary topic of study. You included all three and with appropriate links for those who want more background info.
 * Adding the pronunciation when introducing RuCCS was a nice touch that aided with reading and memory.
 * I like that you include the non-exist link to “visual attention” as this highlights the need for such a page. Perhaps, if you post this article, one of your readers will decide to create that page. I skimmed the page on attention and found that it does mention visual attention, but doesn’t have a sub-section on it which you could have alternatively linked to.
 * I like the use of bold for the term “Visual Index Theory”
 * You were very successful in wording your article in a way that most readers will be able to understand. By this I mean that you managed to avoid the use of “jargon” and overly complicated language.
 * I really like that you included the first book, most recent book, and a successful (award-winning) in-between book!
 * The external links section and the extensive linking in the references are great additions.

= Suggestions =
 * This is quite minor, but you could place your contents list under your subject heading and intro. To do this, insert {TOC left} {clear} where you want the contents list. Note that you need to use two sets of braces even though I only show one. Example:


 * Another minor formatting suggestion I would make is capitalizing of the main interests (vision, cog sci, and info theory) in the box. I checked a few other biography pages and they tended to capitalize.
 * You might consider adding the middle name or initial to the page title, using only the middle initial above the box, and including the full middle name in the intro paragraph.
 * In the “Current Research” section, you could add links for each of “how humans perceive the world, reason, and imagine” (perception, reasoning, and imagination pages)
 * After introducing FINST in “Current Research”, you could add a not to “see proceeding section” or something along those lines. Perhaps “(or FINST theory, see below)”?
 * You explained Multiple Object Tracking very clearly so a figure isn’t necessary to its understanding. Still, it’s a sensible opportunity to present a figure, which could break up the text a little.
 * In “Publications”, you could swap out “published pieces of literature and other works” for simply “published works”.
 * The link to a non-existent cognitive computation page in the “Computation and Cognition: …” section could be changed to a link to “computational cognitive”, which does exist though it is rather incomplete. Similarly, the mental imagery link could lead to the “Mental Image” page, which is actually quite complete.
 * I found the chronological table of awards/honors really interesting. My only suggestion for it is to move the [9] reference so it isn’t sitting on its own below the table, but I’m not sure where else it could go. Perhaps you could include a sentence introducing the table and place the reference with that.
 * Including his thesis supervision was phenomenal, but it might make sense to combine the “Thesis Supervision” section with the “Selected Notable students” section considering their length. Specifically, I’m proposing that you could mention the two notable students within the “Thesis Supervision” section rather than have their own section.
 * It might be useful to add a "See also" section to restate a few of the most useful wiki-links that you have gathered.
 * On wiki, headers/titles (other than names and acronyms) only capitalize the first letter so I suggest that you remove capitals beyond the first in each of your headers. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kms91 (talk • contribs) 20:04, 3 April 2013 (UTC)

= Minor Changes = These are the ones we were instructed to make ourselves. They should also be visible in View History.
 * In the intro to the “Research” section, I removed a comma after “decades and presently “
 * In the “Current Research” section, I changed “consists with” to “pertains to”
 * In the “Current Research” section, I added a comma after “In his experimental research”
 * In the “Current Research” section, I added “an” between “in attempt” (following FINST theory)
 * In the FINST section, I changed “experimentation reveals“ to “experiment revealed”
 * In the “Computation and Cognition” section, I changed “texts hypothesis” to “text’s hypothesis”
 * Capitalized the ‘s’ in “Selected Notable students” header

=Response to Peer Review= Thank you very much for your feedback, I found it very helpful! I looked over each suggestion and made all suggested changes such as editing, adding more links and extra information on some parts that didn't seem as clear.

A couple of things that I did not change was changing “published pieces of literature and other works” for simply “published works” as suggested by editor 2, as I wanted to make it clear that he has done literature as well as other works.

For the table, I do not know to change the placement of the reference number.

For the Thesis section, I updated it a bit but did not combine the "Selected Notable students" as I wanted to keep the layout of the original Zenon Pylyshyn wiki page. Also he has an extensive amount of notable students. So, if in the future any further readers wanted to list ones they thought should be listed could simply do so in an easy format. Instead of a new header, I changed it to a bolded “notable students” to keep the same layout without adding a completely new section for them.

I did not add hyperlinks to some of the words suggested by Reviewer 1 (such as Psychology or electrical engineering) as I believe it would make the paper look bombarded with hyperlinks. I also feel that if someone was to be reading this wiki article, they would be familiar with the words psychology and philosophy etc. Correct me if wrong, but I do believe Jeff (T.A) stated something similarly in one of the wiki tutorials.

I added a bit about RuCCS and added the link to the Center for Cognitive Science in the external links section so readers can find out more.

I did not expand more on the Hebb award as the link associated with that provides information on the award and its criteria. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Eyelet16 (talk • contribs) 14:40, 10 April 2013 (UTC)