User talk:Footballgrl3/sandbox

So I really llike your page but I did notice some things that could be touched up. There are some grammatical errors and some missed words. For example one of the sentences in the first paragraph missed the word 'be'. Your first sentence should be 'there are' not 'there is'. Also I think for your list of the conditions you should make it in actual list form so you can read it easier and that way it's not just a bunch of paragraphs but has a better structure. I also think that you need more citations throughout the page and you need a reference list at the bottom so your actual citations are on the page. All the information is good and accurate it is more grammatical and the structure. Lastly just looking at your page you have no idea what your topic is until you read it all so I think on the top somewhere you should have your topic in bold of something.

Nice work. There are some grammatical errors I would fix, as the person above noted. The first sentence I would remove "is plenty of" and add "are numerous", add an "s" to word characteristics in same sentence. Second sentence, change wording to something like… "Abnormalities of interest conditions can include the genitalia both externally and internally". Second paragraph, reword the sentence "Klinefelter syndrome…." I was having a hard time following that sentence. Change "there is lots of variables that are assessed…" to There are many variables that are assessed…" There is distinct goal when deciding…", change to "There is a distinct goal when deciding whether gender assignment surgery is necessary, which is to preserve fertility…." Last paragraph in the middle change "the" to "they". good job! J Dclow87 (talk) 01:57, 23 November 2013 (UTC)

There are not very many references for your information. Also a few grammatical errors. Maybe you could provide more information about the different types of intersexed individuals? You could also link them to their respected pages. Julia63718 (talk) 17:14, 25 November 2013 (UTC)