User talk:Frenchie2715/sandbox

Hello! These are my ideas for your page.

1. Are you editing two pages? 2. (First subtopic) Don’t say irony when discussing lack of food accessibility & affordability, biased term. Also are you doing generally just farmers and food? That is a HUGE topic…be careful with that… 3. (Second subtopic) Food lunches is an interesting topic but kind of random? I feel like this needs to be incorporated better into one of the pages somehow? I am not sure which one this one would go with better… Seems to not go with any real, maybe the california food policy better? 4. (Third subtopic) I feel like background of agriculture workers needs to be more specific. Make sure you are focusing on the history of their connection to food! I think the idea of health access is super important as well. Also what is your main idea and how does the history of farmworkers make your topic more interesting? I really don't see a clear connection. 5. (Fourth subtopic) Food swamps is a very interesting idea! However, you may want to focus on your main idea of farmworkers and food access.

Overall, you have a lot. Maybe too much…I am super confused on where each subtopic is going. Are you editing two pages? Which one is going on each page? Or are you making your own page? That was unclear… Also you are all taking on really huge subtopics that can each be their own topic. It seems like ya’ll would benefit from making your subtopics more specific. Also watch out for biases because I felt like there may have been a few. I know that this is just an outline of what you want to talk about but still. It was really all over the place and I was pretty lost to be honest. A more succinct overall idea would be much better.

Hope this helps!
 * Hi there, thanks for the feedback! We are planning to add our individual subtopics as "subsections" within the Food Security in the US section of the existing Wikipedia article "Food security." I know that sounds a bit confusing but we wanted to go into more detail within the existing Food Security page, so we figured the Food Security in the US section (which really has very little information currently) would be the best place for our subtopics. As far as my specific subtopic (food swamps), I am working towards narrowing down my piece to include access and farmworkers, however right now food swamps in general needs defining, which is why I haven't gotten to the other parts yet. Thanks again! --Bumblebee024 (talk) 22:43, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

Hi! I have the same question as the previous post- are you editing two articles? If so, will you be focused on the central valley in both articles? The food swamps section is a great section, but does sound repetitive and could be shortened so that it is more concise. Would this section focus on the Central Valley as well, or just on the CA Food Department? I could see it working for both, but narrowing it down to the Central Valley may help the focus of the segments you add into the article(s). You could also include more about how this current administration will affect food banks and resources to healthy food in those food deserts/swamps of the Central Valley. Which communities will most be affected by changes in policy/regulation. Something to look at is also average income of these communities, versus cost of housing and cost of food. I know cost of rent in the Bay Area leads to 1 in 5 households relying on the Alameda Food Bank, so it's would be interesting to see cost of housing effect in the Central Valley. Food deserts vs. Food swamps with respect to the Central Valley's demographics are great additions to the article(s), and narrowing down your focus should create a well-written concise piece. You have a lot of ideas to go about this, but what is written is good and could just be trimmed to avoid repetition. Ladeedani (talk) 19:21, 13 March 2017 (UTC)
 * Hey! Thanks for the detailed comments. Like I said above, we are editing one article ("Food security") but hoping to improve upon the "Food Security in the US" section that is on that page, since it has very little information. Our focus in general is the Central Valley, so yes we will be narrowing in on that. For the food swamps subtopic: that's what I'm working on, so I'll work on making it more concise. I've just been trying to make sure it's clearly defined since it's a less common term that people aren't as familiar with. I'm working towards the section focusing on the Central Valley, but starting with the more broad CA parts because I figured that should be presented first and foremost before going into nitty-gritty details of one particular community. I'm definitely looking at what sources say about the current status of food banks/resources, but predicting what will happen/to which communities is difficult to write about since Wikipedia discourages making predictions and is more about writing about existing things that have coverage already. But I will incorporate information and stats regarding income as well as race (such as how many Latino households are highly affected by food swamps and obesity). Thanks again for the comments! --Bumblebee024 (talk) 22:43, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

Hey, I'm sorry my peer review is late. I've read the peer reviews above and I don't want to sound like a broken record so I'll do my best to add fresh feedback. I understand that your sandbox is a rough draft, a work in progress, so kudos to having some content. I had difficulty following the sandbox's content. Ultimately I gathered that there are 4 writers contributing to their own subtopics. I would suggest clarifying this with headers and subheads, that way your readers can follow the content with ease. I would also recommend checking for syntax and verb to noun accords. Overall, I think this is a relevant topic and there is much to say about it. Your sandbox appears to have substantial information and has the potential to develop into a preliminary resource on food insecurity in the Central Valley and I'm looking forward to the final product! Nobaldia (talk) 20:51, 20 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review Response: I made my topic more relevant and specific to Central Valley and Food Insecurity. We also all added headings. H.tennis (talk) 04:57, 23 March 2017 (UTC)