User talk:GBJohnston/sandbox

Hi, I have some feedback for you regarding this article, Marietta Bones. I can see that a lot of what is in your sandbox is original to the article still, but I'll leave constructive comments on that content as well so you can see more areas for improvement.
 * Regarding this sentence, I think the meaning is unclear: until women's suffrage activist, Susan B. Anthony, and thirty friends voted the organization into another. Maybe you could change the phrasing "voted the organization into another" to add clarity. Another what?
 * Bones was elected vice-president of the National Woman Suffrage Association for Dakota Territory, in 1881, and was... the clause offset by commas here is somewhat odd. Sentence should either start, "In 1881, Bones..." or the comma after Dakota Territory should be removed
 * Webster, South Dakota, in 1882. South Dakota didn't exist as a state until 1889. This could be phrased as "what is now Webster, South Dakota"
 * Bones contributed to several newspaper controversies against efforts to make the social question of temperance a political question this seems a bit vague. What were the controversies? Could be illustrative to the reader to list at least one. "...contributed to several newspaper controversies, such as x, against efforts..."
 * No comma necessary here Her actions to have the South Dakota state capital located at the geographical center, attracted the attention of the board of trade in the city of Pierre, SD
 * I can see you haven't gotten to it yet, but to me, it's odd that her death and burial information is included in the section "personal life", as those aren't generally thought of as details of such.
 * Also, still in the article, I see there's an instance of the title "Mr." In Wikipedia articles, people are referred to by surname alone, or when the possibility of confusion exists (multiple people with same surname), then by their full names.
 * Another part of the article that could be fixed is the lack of a transition between referring to the subject as "Wilkins" (early life) and then abruptly switching to "Bones" in the next section. While keeping the content in personal life, you can add a bit to the beginning of the career section to help transition this surname. ("Shortly after her marriage to Thomas Arthur Bones, she was elected...") That way, it makes more logical sense to refer to her as Bones thereafter.

Let me know if you have questions about any of this feedback! You can request feedback at any time, if you decide to add more content to the article. Thanks, Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:00, 19 July 2019 (UTC)