User talk:Gardneca/sandbox

PEER REVIEW NOTES FROM BonnieEllenBurns (talk) 16:57, 21 November 2018 (UTC)BonnieEllenBurns This looks great! I think the sections you added look great and your citations are much more consistent and informative.

Here are some notes, but nothing here is critical. If this published today I think it would be a great contribution.

Lede: looks great. It feels a little long, but it covers all the essentials so I think that's ok.

Under Personal Life: I would probably just leave out the subhead "Parents" and weave info about birth, parents, and sibs into a first paragraph under Childhood and Early life, then move on to the subheads France, Mexico, and United States (which work nicely).

Under Professional Life: I wonder if the Furness-Mitchell Coterie deserves a red link? Also, this sentence, which I realize was in the original, strikes me as odd: "Stevenson was able to enjoy privileges that would not have been possible without her close relationships with the other members". What privileges? I mean, I can guess, but it seems like it just hangs out there. Maybe just a focus on the other members she met?

"Stevenson established the Equal Franchise Society of Pennsylvania, in recognition of the difficulties women faced." Sentence seems to drop off oddly... "the difficulties women faced obtaining the vote" ??

Second sentence under Equal Franchise Society needs a space in front of it.

Long quote: I know you are being very careful about not falling into the "no original research!" trap. But still, I wonder if the sentence introducing this quote could provide more context? Especially for those readers who are unfamiliar with the kind of diction she uses in her forward. Maybe something as simple as "...Stevenson reflected on the long struggle for women's suffrage"?

Career The stuff you added looks great. And it's cited. (!) Additions of Journalism and Education and Museum Studies are also great stuff.

Citation #9...not sure how that turned out ALL CAPS.

Peer Review from Emiliepichot (talk) 15:51, 26 November 2018 (UTC)

Great work! You've added so much more material (information, photos, citations etc), have significantly improved the flow of the text and its organization. I appreciate that you removed gendered language that was in the lead in the original article and started with facts instead of "she was believed to be...". Similarly, appreciate that you removed this phrasing: "greatest contribution was her role in the establishment of the University of Pennsylvania Museum"... It is very organized and easy to read, especially with how you added the sections "Personal Life" and "Professional and Civic Life", with even more sections underneath these. I also enjoyed how many quotes from her you were able to include, particularly to emphasize and affirm the precedent information.

A few suggestions from me: -consider changing the phrasing of "intimately familiar" to something more clear and less old-fashioned. Were they lovers? close friends? -include an internal link to "brigands" or use a more commonly used term -red link for her book "Maximillian in Mexico" -very helpful that you include a short review/comment about her book from C.M. Mayo -consider changing "following violence in Mexico" to something less vague and open to interpretation -consider changing the phrasing of "live with two Yorke uncles" -add internal links if possible to the info on her husband under "Marriage and Children" -consider rephrasing "Marriage and Children" to "Marriage and Family" -Under Civic Societies section, give some more background information for readers (like me) who are unfamiliar with what civic societies are and do...consider adding an internal link, if possible -misspelled "Stevenson" in "Equal Franchise Society" section -shorten the quote in the "Equal Franchise Society" section -if possible, add more citations to any "firsts" that she was involved in. For example, for being the president of the Equal Franchise Society, being first curator, etc -citation(s) needed for the middle paragraph in "Anthropology and Egyptology" section -add internal links to: American Exploration Society, Dendereh, and Payprus. If non-existent, add a red link -Under "Journalism" perhaps include more information on what she wrote about Emiliepichot (talk) 16:19, 26 November 2018 (UTC)

'''Thanks so much for all the awesome feedback, BonnieEllenBurns and Emiliepichot - this page is now updated on Wikipedia! :) (Gardneca (talk) 01:30, 28 November 2018 (UTC))'''