User talk:Glane23/Stuff

The Farmer, The Mule & The New Bride
A farmer had come to town in his mule-drawn cart to find a bride. After the wedding, the farmer was driving his bride home to the farm in the cart. A mile out of town, the mule stopped dead in the road. The farmer shouted, "That's one!" and after some shaking of the reins, the mule started toward the farm again. A mile later, the mule stopped again, for no apparent reason. The farmer, face red, shouted, "That's two!" This time, it took a dozen with the buggy whip to get the mule moving again. Lo and behold, a mile from the farm the mule stopped dead again. At this, the farmer pulled out a pistol and shot the mule dead, right there in the road! His new bride immediately began to berate the farmer, crying, "How could you? Such a valuable animal!, etc. etc." The farmer looked over at his new bride and simply said, "That's one."

The Freezing Little Bird
Once there was a little bird who lived in the fields and forests of rural Ohio, or maybe it was Iowa, in the United States. As summer turned to fall, the little bird stayed on, even as the other birds left for their winter homes in the sunny south. One day out of the north came a cold snap, with gusty winds and then a blizzard. As the snow piled higher on the branches of the trees and blew into great drifts in the fields, the little bird found no hiding place from the freezing snow and wind. Finally, the little bird barely clung to the top wire of a fence, growing colder and colder, until it lost its grip and fell, senseless, into the snow. A kindly farmer was passing and, seeing the little bird, picked it up and plunged it up to its neck in a fresh, steaming pile of cow shit. The little bird, now warmed, revived and began to sing for joy. A fox heard the little bird and ran over, snatched it up and gulped it down in one bite! From this we learn:
 * Not every one who sticks in the shit up to your neck is your enemy;
 * Not every one who pulls you out of the shit is your friend; and,
 * Should you find yourself up to your neck in shit, keep your mouth shut!

Variant from Sinneed
Parable of the little bird

Once there was a little bird who was hatched late, and was not quite grown enough to fly south when winter hit.

He lived in the loft of the barn, where it was warm and safe...but he was  beginning to be hungry, and he needed to fly south, he could not survive  the winter here, nor make the flight much later. Each day he flew further and further from the barn, building his strength. One day, though, he flew too far, and wound up in the cold autumn mud of the  barnyard, too exhausted to make it back to his nest. As the little bird sat there in the freezing yard, he knew it was almost over, it was just  too cold for him.

One of the cows in the yard, though, noticed the little bird, came over, looked at him closely with her cow eyes,  turned around...and dumped a big cow pile on him. "This is just too much!", thought the bird. "Now I am not only going to die, but I am going to die stinking!" Gradually, though, the little bird realized his shivering had stopped, and he was actually warm!

He was so happy that he was not going die that he began to sing. He sang and sang, but he sang too long, and one of the farmer's cats heard him, and came  to investigate. The cat found the little bird, pulled him gently out of the pile, cleaned him off...and ate him right up. So remember that:


 * Sometimes, even when you do your best, and you are doing it right, you are still  going to wind up in deep shit.


 * Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.


 * Not everyone who pulls you out of the shit is your friend.


 * If you are warm and happy in deep shit, don't tell everyone about it.