User talk:Gmousalimas/sandbox

Megan's Peer Review
Hi Gianna! I was assigned to peer review your articles! Here are some of my comments for specific sentences you wrote.

Asylum in the European Union I also agree with you that much should be added to the lead section of this article. I think it is beneficial to add the reasons that these laws are in place. I am interested in the history of how these laws came to be in place. Perhaps you could add something about that?

"These laws are in place to prohibit European Union Member States from sending a person back to where they are at risk of persecution, and to offer international protection to those who are granted refugee status (through the course of the law)." I thought that this part of the sentence could be removed due to redundancy. The sentence is a bit long. Perhaps it could be split into 2 sentences?

"ADD: Refugee vs. Migrant" I think that adding a short sentence clarifying the difference would be appropriate for this article, something like a disclaimer.

"ADD: Breaking down the process" The title of this section sounds like a title within a different medium like a blog. Perhaps you could call it something more straightforward like "Asylum seeking process". Other than that, I agree with your thought-process in adding this section.

"Refugees entering Europe are subject to follow the laws in place by the Common European Asylum System (CEAS). These laws were reformed between 2011 and 2014, and have not since been updated due to the current state of the refugee crisis[6]." Could you briefly state the state of the refugee crisis and why it has caused the laws to not be updated? Perhaps due to chaos, etc?

"Also ADD: Section on EU Statistics This age distribution of asylum applicants was common in almost all of the EU Member States, with the largest share of applicants usually being those aged 18–34.[7]" Is there more that you could add to this section? Otherwise I feel that you could add this sentence to the lead section.

Refugee camp "However, in general, NGOs that run/assist these camps make sure to help alleviate refugees' daily struggles, but also they offer educational courses and activities to stimulate a learning environment for children and adults alike." This sentence sounds like it has a slant just by the use of the words "however" and "alike". Could you try to make this sentence more neutral?

"Add section: Health Education, Health Literacy" Perhaps these could be sub-heads beneath the Health and Healthcare section, instead of entirely new sections. Discussing health education seems very relevant to add to this article.

Overall, it seems like you are adding important information to your articles! Try to stay neutral since these are emotionally loaded topics. Mgslee (talk) 22:35, 17 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review (3/19) - Varsha Prakash [edit]
Hi! My name is Varsha, and I am one of your peer reviewers from GPP 105!

Area: Asylum in the European Union

I really like the way you have taken this article apart in your sandbox and described changes you plan to make. I also think the article's lead could use a lot of work - I had to read it twice to get the gist of it and I'm still not sure what the main takeaway should be. I think it could be useful to include the stated purpose of asylum laws - What purpose do they serve? Which legislative body gets to make the rules?

I don't think the "Relevant law and procedures" section was included in your sandbox, but I think it would be nice to include a quick bullet-point summary of the general framework of asylum laws that impact all of the EU. The sentences right now simply cite historical events, which, as you noted in your sandbox, is not conducive to reader understanding.

I think your "Breaking down the process" section is really necessary for this page, since after reading it I'm still left wondering what exactly the current asylum laws are. However, the proposed title doesn't sound very encyclopedic - maybe think of using "Asylum Process Overview" instead? Your bullet point notes seem well-structured and I can see a lot of potential with them once you start constructing paragraphs.

Sector: Refugee camp

I'm not totally sure how you're planning to move forward with this page, but I do think it could use a Health Education/Literacy section. I also think it would be great to add a section specifically focusing on mental health. There is no mention of it in the article, but I am sure that people fleeing unlivable conditions do incur some mental health conditions and would be interested to see how they fit into life in a refugee camp.

Good luck with your articles! --Vprakash97 (talk) 23:45, 19 March 2018 (UTC)