User talk:GreatOrangePumpkin/Sandbox18

Copy-edit
I've signed up to do the requested copy-edit and will post questions and comments here as they come. ❇  Zoë Alkaia   ❇  19:05, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * What is a "plantage"? This doesn't appear to be a common English word and should probably be changed.
 * Plantage -> Plantation
 * "The religious apprenticeship was so influential on Patton's later life, that he considered training as a preacher." What is meant by "later life", and when did he consider becoming a preacher?
 * Done first; not sure about the second
 * Charlie learned to play guitar at seven. Who taught him?
 * He himself
 * Then with whose guitar?
 * "In 1906, at the age of fifteen, Patton left home, possibly due to contention between him and his brother Willie." Is there any additional detail on that?
 * Will look
 * Who is Ernest Brown? And his quote, "He [was] playin' the same kind of music like he did when he put out them records," talks about recordings that haven't been mentioned yet. I understand the desire to bring in quotes and such, but this doesn't add anything and only serves to confuse. Basically the same information is conveyed by the next bit of information wrt his earliest recordings being from that period.
 * "John Fahey supposed this period as the begin of his influences from Delta Blues." The wording here is unclear. I've reworded to "John Fahey supposed this period was the beginning of his influence on the Delta Blues." The first wording suggests the Delta Blues were influencing him. The second wording is about him influencing the Delta Blues. Is the latter correct?
 * The first is correct
 * He was tutored years before by one of the most influential Delta Blues musicians, so how could this be the beginning of the Delta Blues influence on him?
 * "... in what way all musicians had to leave." I don't really understand what is being said here either. Were they forced to leave? If so, why? Was it just black musicians or were other blacks made to leave as well?
 * Everyone had to leave because of this murder
 * "... as he could not reach notes." This is ambiguous. Is this saying his vocal range was limited?
 * Read not reach. Done
 * "During a muster..." When did he join the military? Was he drafted or did he voluntarily enlist?
 * I asked the nominator and main author to help finding information, but he hasn't answer me... so I can't tell it
 * "He was, alike his roaming buddys, already booked and payed for gigs." He's already been established as a professional musician, which infers (by definition) that he's being booked and paid for gigs.
 * "...to interfere him to Victor Records after doing a test take. Speir sent him, as Victor were not convinced about Patton, to Paramount Records for US$150, where he performed his first recording session..." What? I don't understand the use of "interfere" here or what a "test take" is. And what is the $150 about? Did they pay that to Patton or is that how much it cost to get him to Indiana for the session?
 * Intefere -> sent
 * Test take -> test recording
 * "Buddy Boy Hawkins traveled together with Patton to have his last session." Why is his last session mentioned in the section for his first session? And what makes this important enough to include at all?
 * This is important, because Patton rarely played with other musicians, especially when he backed other musicians. He mostly played solo.
 * There is no reference for the "First recording session" section.
 * See above. I still wait for his answer since 2 months (he meant he is busy, but this is of course a lie, as he is an active contributor; he is just too lazy to fill this article with references)...
 * "It also highlighted the outstanding position Patton held among the artists of Paramount, as such a high number of recordings of one artist in such a short period was unusual." This is my revised wording, but the same idea is conveyed. Is this conclusion drawn directly from a source, or is this synthesized? If there isn't a source that explicitly states recording so many tracks in one session was indicative of higher esteem (or whatever), we can't infer that. Also, how many days was his session? That isn't clear and it dilutes the claim when it goes into the specifics of how many tracks an artist would typically record in a day when we don't know how many songs he averaged a day.
 * Ditto
 * There needs to be some clarification about how he recorded with Paramount, but did not have a contract with them.
 * Ditto
 * "American record companies fairly recovered in 1933." What does "fairly recovered" mean?
 * More or less recovered
 * That whole sentence about the knife attack is too jumbled to decipher, thus I've removed most of it and left only the relevant details.
 * Broken-winded?
 * Yes
 * "It seems that in..." Whose idea is this? — Preceding unsigned comment added by Zoë Alkaia (talk • contribs) 21:37, 30 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Dunno; I can't tell it. Thanks for your copyedits. I think it is better to stop with the copyedits for now and continue until he put more in-line references.-- ♫GoP♫ T C N 13:27, 1 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Alright. I'm ending/pausing my work here and removing the request from the LOCE page. Relevant books need to be purchased/borrowed and used to expand the article. At this stage, a copy-edit is mostly pointless. ❇  Zoë Alkaia   ❇  16:44, 1 January 2012 (UTC)