User talk:Griffin710/sandbox

This is a good start. You might also define what you mean by health disparities. Also, you might investigate whether there are anything indicators of health disparities. For example, is there a racial component? Also, have racial disparities in the county changed over time? If so, how? Good start.Mcassell04 (talk) 17:47, 11 October 2015 (UTC)

Very good start with information and numbers. However, the information seems a little jumbled and lacks a clear theme. Firstly you need a Title/Heading and subsections such as:

- Life expectancy/Healthcare disparities - County Health Rankings - Main causes of death and disability in Cuyahoga County - Health care and Insurance

I think once you have your information separated and in order your article will have a much better flow and common theme. Secondly there are a number of statistics that do not have a citations. I would add some more to avoid any kind of plagiarism. Other than that there are just a few grammar mistakes that need fixing, such as removing "the" in your second sentence. Great start though and I look forward to reading your article upon completion.Mijepoi (talk) 14:27, 14 October 2015 (UTC)

I thought your information was good, just clustered. Also, you need a main heading title, so people know right away what you are talking about. Other than those thing I thought it was a good start. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Casskayann (talk • contribs) 02:13, 15 November 2015 (UTC)

The information is very interesting and clearly demonstrates an inequality between the two communities. However I would like a little more clarity in the introduction paragraph. Maybe format it in a way that first describes inequality then its relation to health disparities, it seemed to me like that portion could use more substance. I think your data selection was very strong these numbers show significant differences between the communities in an unbiased manner. I would suggest that you strengthen your article by adding links through out the text. In my article I was able to link the names of cities and counties to the wikipedia page about that specific region. For organizational purposes I would separate the cities into categories where you can list there statistical data (or make a data section), then examine the significance of these differences in another section. Twright3293 (talk) 17:15, 17 November 2015 (UTC)Twright3293Twright3293 (talk) 17:15, 17 November 2015 (UTC)