User talk:Halbero/sandbox

draft comments
Hey, I'm providing support for your class at UMD and I had a few comments on your draft: Thanks. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:33, 3 November 2014 (UTC)
 * Breaking the draft up into sections is good. When you've got a handle on what the article will cover I recommend taking a look at our manual of style on the "lead" for what the first paragraph should look like. Even a relatively short article can benefit from a paragraph or so of summary at the top, covering the key points in the article itself. You can take a look at Janise Yntema for an example of a pretty good lead for a short article.
 * It's not much but there's a passing mention of the subject in (p. 63) (it does give a date for her retirement from acting)
 * Though it won't help with expansion, I'd recommend that you condense some of the acting sections a bit to summarize her work over various periods rather than listing performances (I realize the format is mostly carried over from the existing article). It's a bit tough as a lot of the sources cover her stage career but I think it will help readers navigate the article a bit better.


 * A couple of other things to consider:
 * There are several sources that say that her year of birth was 1758: Lord Byron, Oxford DNB, The British Museum, and Authority control sources (click on the links in the Authority control box now at the bottom of the sandbox page)
 * You've done a great job with adding sections and performing some copy edits of the article, which was copied from the Knight / DNB article in the public domain. I agree with Adam about summarizing her career, and you may want to put her roles in a list in a "Works" section. There's also some additional information in this book.
 * There are some images of Kemble in commons that you may want to add to the article, one or two of your favorites / discussed in the article, follow the format from thumb|[[Bertie Greatheed, Priscilla Kemble, 1830]], where the filename is the name of the image record at commons - and the words after "|thumb|" are the caption.
 * I've made some edits to the article, mostly minor Wikipedia formatting. I hope this helps!-- CaroleHenson  ( talk ) 06:07, 7 November 2014 (UTC)