User talk:Handlinoconnor

Spencer Trask
I think I've managed to tone it down. Thoughts?

Thanks for you help. Matt

Hi -- I've read your contributions to Spencer Trask. I realize you are new to editing and I strongly recommend that before continuing, you read Wikipedia's policy on neutrality. Encyclopedic articles are not meant to promote or denigrate anybody, only to report the facts. Your writing in Spencer Trask is very strongly POV ("point-of-view") oriented in his favor.

Feel free to ask me any questions you might have about this or other Wikipedia policies. Dylan 15:59, 27 September 2007 (UTC)


 * Hi! Thanks for responding. Don't worry, we were all new once, but I wanted to draw your attention to this as soon as possible. It's not really your citations I was worried about -- that part seems fine. It's the tone of the writing, and I'll try to give you some examples here.


 * Here was the intro line to the paragraph:


 * Mr. Spencer Trask may very well be one the most important venture capitalists of all time.


 * While this may be true, it's a POV judgment because your suggestion of him as the most important venture capitalist is not a fact but an opinion. It's not in the style of encyclopedic writing because it doesn't really tell us who he was, other than a venture capitalist. Rather than just saying that he was important, show us -- list the things he did ("was a philanthropist, financier, and venture capitalist who supporter Thomas Edison's invention of the electric light bulb.") Phrases like "most important" don't really add information. Read Avoid peacock terms, because it's exactly about this type of writing, and it can help you avoid it.


 * Other examples:


 * Unequivocally, one of the most important entrepreneurs ever was Thomas Edison, the man who invented what eventually became the quintessential symbol of a great idea – the light bulb.


 * There are a few judgments here that, again, are not necessarily incorrect, but just out-of-place in an encyclopedia article. Saying that Edison is "unequivocally one of the most important entrepreneurs" is your opinion -- someone else might believe a different inventor to be more important. The same goes for calling the light bulb "the quintessential symbol of a great idea" -- you're presenting this opinion as indisputable fact.


 * Imagine what might not have been if Mr. Trask had not been first in recognizing the value of partnering with Thomas Edison.


 * Again, this just isn't the style of encyclopedic writing -- rhetorical questions like this don't fit in here.


 * Overall, the idea is just to stick to the facts. Rather than saying that he was important or praising him with language, just report what he did and how. His importance and contributions to the world will come out with the facts -- once you write that "Trask was responsible for financing Thomas Edison's research and invention of the light bulb," it will be quite clear what an important man he was.


 * Here are a few Wikipedia policy pages to read that will help you understand these general policies a lot more than just through my explanations:


 * Neutral point of view
 * NPOV tutorial
 * Avoid peacock terms


 * And again, please feel free to ask me any questions you have. Dylan 12:25, 28 September 2007 (UTC)

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