User talk:Handrew2depaul/Chinese Tea Culture

Hi Hannah. I have done my peer review here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Handrew2depaul/Chinese_Tea_Culture/Bcaillouet25_Peer_Review Bcaillouet25 (talk) 15:01, 18 May 2022 (UTC)

=Second draft review for User:Handrew2depaul= Thanks for your work on your draft, Hannah! I think it's got a lot of good content, and I offer the suggestions below in a collaborative spirit, intended to help you refine your work before moving it to the mainspace. I'm happy to talk with you about any aspect of my comments or about your article in general.

Intro section

 * ( /ˈuːlʊŋ/; - what does this phonetic transcription refer to? It's not the same as the transliteration that comes after

Intro

 * The first few sentences need citations. Or is [1] intended to apply to this whole paragraph? Nevertheless, each claim probably needs its own citation, even if that means the citation repeats.
 * Regarding the stories about Shen Nong, I'd make clearer that these are folk tales, not something that actually happened (I realize that seems obvious, but it's still worth saying)

Zhou

 * First sentence: needs citation
 * [2] : what kind of positive effects on the body?

Han

 * These two sentences need citations

Jin

 * This paragraph is confusing, because it starts by saying that tea acquired philosophical or religious overtones during this period but ends by saying that not until the Tang dynasty did it have the spiritual or cultural aspects that it does today. What is the difference between how it was viewed before and after the Tang Dynasty?

Tang

 * Artisans produced hundreds of tea art --> hundreds of examples of tea art? Hundreds of types of tea art?
 * The Classic of Tea (780) - Is this intended to be a subheading within the Tang Dynasty section? (This section is also very good, by the way.)

Song

 * Second sentence: This again seems to claim that only now did tea acquire cultural meaning, but both previous sections seemed to show it had cultural meaning already. I'd suggest either trying to specify how the cultural meaning was different in each time period or just ascribe cultural meaning to tea through all the time periods and simply leve these kinds of statements out.
 * "Tea art, the tea ceremony, and tea houses became very popular" - should this be "continued to be very popular" instead, given that they appeared to be popular already in the previous dynasty?
 * "“go (weiqi), zither, calligraphy, painting, shi and qu poetry, and tea.”" - I'd suggest making these links
 * Record of Teas, by Cai Xiang and Record of Tea, by Emperor Huizong, Zhao Ji - do these books or these people have Wikipedia articles? If so, I'd suggest making links
 * "While the formal tea..." - I'd suggest making this the start of a new paragraph
 * "Tea farming was established, leading to tea being traded worldwide" - Again, didn't this happen already, when it was the main export to Japan? What's different now?
 * "The system of tribute tea..." - What system is this? Ideally, it would be useful to have in introductory sentence saying something like "The government implemented a system that required tea be shipped to the emperor as tribute, known as 'tribute tea'."
 * I like the quote from the poem to show how this was an important part of culture, but I think the second part of this paragraph could be reworked to focus only on the the important fact that this tea tribute system was so widespread and such a part of the culture that it was a common poetry subject

"During the 18th and 19th centuries..."

 * Before we get to this, we need a new heading
 * "tea culture took a step back" - I'm not sure this is entirely neutral. Maybe just describe what happened.
 * [4] - How did tea culture suffer during the Cultural Revolution?
 * "Today tea culture is resurging..." - Citation needed here

Chinese tea ceremony

 * The quote in the first paragraph seems like those authors editorializing. I'd suggest embedding it in a comment along the lines of 'The important role of ceremony in Chinese culture is exemplified by the claim by .... that..."
 * Throughout this section (actually, throughout the whole article), please try to be consistent in how you represent transliterated Chinese words (single quote or double? Why are they capitalized? Should they be rendered with the tones? Do they always need the characters too?)
 * "tense noisy one" - comma between the adjectives
 * Second half of the third paragraph: Who makes all these rules? Are they traditional? Are they laid down in books other than the Book of Tea? Are these opinions still widely held today?
 * "The functions..." - Is this according to you (aka, according to Wikipedia), or are you just reporting what [5] says the functions are? If it's the latter (which I think is right), make clear that this is just one author's assertion of what the functions are.
 * Last paragraph - "ancient" isn't a great adjective for an encyclopedia article. I'd much rather see something concrete, like saying "The modern tea ceremony dates to practiced developed during the Song Dynasty between 960 and 1276" or something like that.

Tea competition

 * This section needs a little bit of copy-editing (punctuation, etc)

Tea drinking customs

 * "Tea customs varied..." is this section about modern variation or the past?
 * "The Tibetans consider tea more important than food" - Citation needed. In fact, this whole paragraph makes a lot of sweeping claims that need better citation (or else need to be reined in)

Tea arts

 * "literati, scholars" - should these be joined by "and" instead?
 * "Talented drinkers ... - second quote mark missing here

Tea nationalism

 * I'm not sure this section is needed at all. Perhaps it could just be folded into the history section. I think it could be reduced to just a sentence.

Tea diplomacy

 * This first paragraph is kind of hard to follow
 * (Note also here again the need for consistent styling of Chinese words)
 * "The Han’s Tribute system was a way for a civilized kingdom to generously share its ‘civilization’ with an uncivilized group" - This sentence is full of loaded words. I'd rewrite entirely or remove.
 * I'm not completely certain this section is necessary either. That Xi Jinping used tea as a metaphor in a diplomatic meeting doesn't strike me as necessary to understand tea culture, other than for the fact that he's using tea to represent China. Maybe it could be reduced a bit?

Tea tourism

 * This section reads a bit like an ad for the museum. See if you can craft a more encyclopedic tone
 * I don't really think the note about the large number of people not being traditional belongs here. It seems like the quote might be better earlier when this topic is discussed above, and that the issue of large versus small group tastings with regard to the museum is not essential.

Bradhoot (talk) 20:19, 24 May 2022 (UTC)