User talk:Hannah.Mezei/sandbox

=Feedback== The lead section is good and covers a broad range of topics. The last sentence in the first paragraph seems out of place and may fit better in the second paragraph, or in another paragraph. The rest of the article in looking good as well. A few minor notes, you don’t have to say aged 15-24 every time you say youth, though if a study defines youth differently you should make sure to include the range they used. In the risk section don’t use ect., you want to give people as much information as possible, and ect leaves them hanging. If the list is extensive pick the highlights or try to categorize to create a condensed list. As for finding sources on youth activism, try searching for general articles on youth activism and see if Hong Kong is included for statistical purposes. For information about their causes you can use news sources, just make sure that you make that known and be careful not to cite anything that may be opinionated. You can use them mostly as a way to generate a list of what causes youth have been active in. Also check with the reference librarian, for help, they are really good at helping people find information that should be there but you can’t find. The worst case scenario is that no one has studied youth activism and you’ll be stuck with news sources, and have to be super careful about how you include them. Kjatczak (talk) 19:45, 31 October 2015 (UTC)

Dr. V feedback and sources
Great job! Can you put some requests for peer feedback at top of your page?

I will give a careful read with the hard first draft. Check in before then if needed.

Hey - some quick ideas for sources: http://hub.hku.hk/bitstream/10722/211040/1/Content.pdf?accept=1 Search google scholar with terms "umbrella movement Hong Kong" and then select "articles after 2011" (or any later date to cut out irrelevant stuff). It would be great to find earlier examples of youth activism. Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 22:31, 7 November 2015 (UTC)

Peer Feedback
Your lead paragraph is really strong in terms of addressing the different topic Youth in Hong Kong face and what you intend to address in your wiki page. Some small changes that just need to be made throughout your page is deciding whether to include youth or 15-24 year olds, this is a small thing but is important in terms of being able to track where you are going. Another thing is just make sure you don't have words repeating themselves and that you use dashes between your ages instead of the number "0". (I attempted to go in and change this and was unsuccessful, so I would look at your coding) Overall your paragraph composition is strong except for those few minor systematic changes, I would also make sure you try to keep a neutral point when discussing different topics. One part I noticed that could be strewn as a POV was when you mentioned that a lack of education or involvement in social activities led to mental health problems and essentially lent itself to suggest you can "become LGBT" as if it were a choice and this also happened at another point when a statement along the lines of depression systems lead to becoming LGBT. I would just be careful with wording there, I'm not sure if that was a result of your sources or what, but just be aware and try to keep a neutral POV. Something that you mentioned was wanting help with youth activism, my suggestions would be to either check with a resource librarian or even look in to the relationship between Tiananmen square protests and Hong Kong youth, since that did cause turmoil and confusion. This could also be something that you link to since there is a section on that page about Hong Kong, perhaps this could be one of your outlets from having an orphan article. Kkaltenheuser (talk) 20:07, 14 November 2015 (UTC)

Peer Feedback
Great article, Hannah! I reviewed your article based on the rubric and thought you did an excellent job. Your writing style was formal neutral. I thought your article was appropriately hyperlinked. Just make sure some articles link to your page. I think you could link your article to the Hong Kong page under the demographics section. The structure of your article was also great. Your lead paragraph could stand alone and sections are in the most logical order. I also think that you have included some very thoughtful sections that many other "youth" in pages have not included. Your content was also excellent. One thing that would be interesting to know more about is how many young adults attend university, where they are going (are they studying internationally?) and if that has any effect on employment. It would also be interesting to learn about if young adults continue to live at home or move away from their families, much like we have learned about in previous case studies. I also agree with Karen about researching the history between the Tiananmen Square protests and Hong Kong youth, since it is a very important part of the countries history. Overall your article is well organized and well written. You use a lot of great sources and do not make an argument, but provide useful information. Let me know if I can help you in any other ways. I will read again after your edits and provide more feedback! Jennakor (talk) 16:40, 15 November 2015 (UTC)