User talk:Hbrown09/sandbox

--Sweiner02 (talk) 04:10, 13 November 2017 (UTC)
 * Little detail, but it would be one develops first and the other follows, not proceeds. That's awkward phrasing.
 * There are a number of small wording issues. Have someone help with grammar and phrasing editing, if possible.
 * Mechanism is missing.
 * You've done a great job of putting things in lay language and linking uncommon terms for most of this article.
 * Bring over as many of the previous version's citations as possible. It would be a real shame to lose good citations. There are a lot of assertions in your article that could use more detailed citations.
 * Don't abbreviate terms that are uncommon and only used in a previous section.
 * Remember that you're not talking to a patient, you're writing an encyclopedia article. "Unlikely that a physician will" sounds like advice to a patient.
 * You've lost some good information from the original version. Particularly check treatment and prognosis. There is nothing wrong with using what's already there!
 * This is a great summary of one study in RR, but look for more!

Interesting article!. I think a link to autoimmune hemolytic anemia may be helpful (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autoimmune_hemolytic_anemia) as this is mainly associated with the ES. I think it is interesting that it has a very low mortality rate at 7%, so treatment can be explained a little better in here? Just a thought... Also, Rituximab also has its own page so a link may be beneficial. Have you come across any recent clinical trials with rituximab or other monoclonal antibodies?

-nakyo heo — Preceding unsigned comment added by Nheo1 (talk • contribs) 23:04, 13 November 2017 (UTC)

Hi there, you have a very interesting topic. Everything looks great for the most part, but I would add a little more research articles and go more into detail. Also, maybe go more into detail in the treatment section to help explain what is going on to the reader. Your abstract is a great start, but I would add a little more detail. Overall, you have great information and it's easy to read and understand. Good job! - Courtney Bryant — Preceding unsigned comment added by Cocobry (talk • contribs) 04:45, 14 November 2017 (UTC)