User talk:Hereaftercancer

After cancer
Hi This isn't an easy topic to talk about, the mention of the C word is like acid in the mouth. It was 2003 and I was watching With in these walls, a prison TV show. One of the inmates found a lump in her breast while in the shower, I thought just let me check, and there it was. I stanched my hand away. After a while I felt again, it was still there. Next morning I called the Doctors, can you come in now? yep Im on my way. After examining me, she said Im referring you to the hospital. I said I work at St Georges Ill take it there. I handed in the letter, How long will I have to wait? oh about 10 days, My God I have to wait 10 days, these was one of the most longest days of my life. I cant tell the kids, I have no friends I can go to, I went to work, one of my colleges asked what was wrong, I burst into tears, I got cancer. She said she would come with me for the test, but I already knew, it would be bad news. We go along, and I have a biopsy, ultra sound, and mammogram, After 5 hours of being there I was told I had cancer, and they would have to remove my breast. I phoned my son in law, you have to tell Claire, I cant do it, Next was my Kristy {my soldier} Can you tell Aaron? my son. we was all in shock. The morning of the op, I go to hospital with my Claire. On the ward, the woman in the bed opposite ask are you having a mastectomy? I said yes I am, Oh they have done a fabulous job on me, I had reconstruction at the same time, Look. She pulls her top up. How can she say that's a wonderful job. I get off the bed, saying to my daughter come on we are going, I walk out. Claire is going on you have to get it done, no I dont, I would rather die with my hair and boobs than die looking like Frankinsteins bride. That afternoon the consultant phones me, and ask what's wrong I tell him, he says Im very good at what I do, trust me. I have to see a counselor, bloody hell looks like a kids and treats me like one. What part do you not understand, I dont want to lose my boob, and there is no guarantee I still wont die. she gives me a pass, to go ahead with the op. I wake to find drains every where in me, I cant stop being sick, at this point I wanted to die. after 3 days and very weak Im made to do arm exercises, which hurt like hell. After a week Im told I will be checked over, and if all good, drains will come out and I can go home. Im told they got it all. but I will need chemo and radiation treatment. Then it came, Im going to take off the dressing and show you what a good job I done said the consultant. He takes me to the mirror with a big smile on his face. I look at where my breast once was. Well he says what d you think? I reply, I look like Frankinsteins f ing bride, I broke down in tears, what have I done? This is some thing I don't think I can live with.