User talk:Herry23/sandbox

Jose Chitala's Peer Review
From what is presented in this rough draft, there is a high volume of effective information. The author supports their exposition on the crisis and responses with plenty of figures which serve to illuminate the situation and make it more understandable. Additionally, the author did well in centering in on the United Nations as a subsection as the United Nations is an informative and non-bias source.

The section that most needs development is the very last paragraph presented under the United Nations subsection. As it stands, it is a bit difficult to read and muddled. I would suggest this section be improved with shorter, simpler sentences and separating agencies and topics that the author writes about into different paragraphs. In terms of what needs most improvement in this article, it appears to be grammar and word-use. The author would benefit from having their paper reviewed for grammar and word-use.

In terms of flow, thus far, the transition from the description of the famine to response is effective.

Jchitala (talk) 23:35, 6 April 2019 (UTC)Jose Chitala

Peer Review
This is a great addition to the South Sudan Famine page. The section about 2018 is very clearly written and gives a good and neutral overview of what is happening. You include strong facts and statistics that really explain what is going on but are not overly difficult to understand which is helpful when appealing to a large audience.

Your United Nations section is also very good. I would however try to add maybe a couple sentences at the beginning giving a quick overview of the response, a lead section, as it feels like the reader is being somewhat thrown into it currently. I think a quick overview at the beginning would be very helpful.

Also, looking at your citations maybe try to find other sources besides Unicef. Although they provide strong data, it would be helpful to have citations and data from other organizations. Maybe you can find local NGO's that have an interesting perspective. This would help legitimize your work as well as ensuring that all the facts are not biased. Sophiafossali (talk) 18:58, 7 April 2019 (UTC)