User talk:Hghosheh/Women and Religion/Bibliograpy

Hi Hghosheh!
I'm EmmerFlynnt from your CMN2160 class, and I'm writing here to complete the peer review assignment. I can't seem to find any contributions or edits from you so far, so I've just critiqued the article that you've assigned to yourself, and listed some things that you might want to edit within it as part of your 500 word requirement.

Here's my critique for Women and Religion
This article is an interesting read as far as I could tell. I read through the intro and the first section, entitled “1.1 Christianity”, and skimmed through the remainder of the paragraphs. It does a nice job of addressing the Wiki Content Gap by breaking down the details of women’s role in the specified faiths. So, nice pick 😊

However, I think an important task for your to-do list would be to tweak the introduction. It reads like an argumentative essay that is trying to prove that religions suppress women. The intro makes biased generalizations, using phrases like “[most religions] require women to be submissive”. Well, we can’t draw that conclusion after only examining eight religions, so let’s be more specific! Though this is a touchy, interesting topic of research (which is probably why you chose it!) it is important that the information remains objective and that the introduction just gives a BROAD description about the entire article.

Also, I found that the tone was a bit casual and colloquial, especially in the sentence “While there has been changes towards equality, religions overall still lag the rest of society in addressing gender issues”. What changes? Religions OVERALL? Oh my. (Not to nag you further, but this sentence also contains a grammatical error in agreement; has should be changed to have.) Okay, so lots of sweeping generalizations throughout the whole article (i.e. most religions, some Christians, lots of people etc.) The biblical quotations are good! They add the much-needed substance and context to this article! I also like how this article doesn’t stray away from the specified top; It would be so easy to dive deeper into how religion impacts women’s RIGHTS, but this article remains focused on specific details in religious texts.

My question, however, is about the use of the word women itself. “Womxn” is now the commonplace umbrella term used to include a broader range of woman-identifying gender identities and mitigate patriarchal linguistic norms. Although this article examines YE OLDE religious texts, and womxn is a much more contemporary term, it is important to include how they addressed non-binary womxn, or how they excluded them entirely. Here’s a good link for more info on the term “womxn”: https://www.shethepeople.tv/home-top-video/difference-womxn-womyn-diversity/

Cheers,

EmmerFlynnt (talk) 04:51, 3 November 2020 (UTC)